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He couldn’t help smiling. “Tell me, how much longer do you plan to remain at Holbrook?”
She blinked at the sudden change of topic. “I imagine I shall stay for as long as I like. It is my home, after all. Charles and Rowena are certainly happy enough with my company. Just yesterday, Rowena told me how appreciative she is of my help with the children.”
He’d suspected she was unprepared for the reality of her situation. This was going to take a light touch. “For now,” he said gently. “But is that what you really want? To act as a sort of governess to your cousin’s children until they are all grown?”
“I’m no governess, even if I do help with the children from time to time,” she retorted with pride. “Nor am I an impoverished relation to be taken advantage of so meanly, not that Charles and Rowena would ever do such a thing.”
“Of course not, and I would never impugn them by implying they would,” he said at once. “But at the same time, Holbrook is their home. As long as you remain under his roof, you are Charles’s responsibility and live under his auspices. Do you really wish to linger, even as an honored member of the family, where you will never truly be in command of your own direction?” It was time to put it plainly. “Neither he nor Rowena expect you to remain at Holbrook forever. They expect you to establish a permanent home for yourself elsewhere.”
The color slowly leached from her face. “They have told you this?”
“Not in those exact words, but it has been implied in every conversation I’ve heard between them concerning you. Rowena has expressed high hopes for you this Season and has in fact begun quietly making preliminary plans for your wedding. Charles, too.”
“But I’ve told them that I never want to—”
“It’s not uncommon for young ladies to swear off marrying,” he cut in gently. “But very few ever follow through on such a vow. Your guardians fully anticipate your marriage and departure within the year.”
Her expression went from stricken to mutinous. “Then I shall have to make arrangements of my own, shan’t I? I’ll—I’ll contact Charles’s solicitor and have him procure a property for me, and I’ll ask Rowena to help me hire the appropriate staff for it.”
“A well-born young lady cannot live alone, no matter how wealthy she is,” he reminded her.
“Though you may think otherwise, I have not forgotten the rules,” she snipped. “Naturally, I shall require a suitable companion. Caroline would do nicely enough.”
“I think we both know how unlikely that is,” he said with a chuckle. “She’s sworn to ‘marry the fattest purse she can catch,’ if I remember correctly.”
But having her words tossed back at her only caused her to bristle. “Were I to make her an offer of independence, she would no doubt be most willing to alter her plans.”
“Shall we go now and ask her?” he suggested, unable to resist goading her.
“I would rather ask her in private,” she replied, flushing deeply. “Even if she does not agree, there are plenty of other like-minded ladies who would be delighted to be offered control of their own destiny. Why should I, or any other woman with the means to do otherwise, be forced to answer to a man for her every decision?”
I was right, he thought. He knew why she longed for autonomy. She’d felt powerless for nearly her whole life, beginning with her parents’ deaths. And now she was being pressured to marry and effectively give up what little control she had over her own fate. “I did not mean to offend you,” he said gently. “I merely wish to help.”
“You may best help by persuading Charles and Rowena not to anticipate an event that is unlikely to happen,” she snapped, not mollified in the least.
“Unlikely, perhaps, but not impossible—even for one so stubborn as you,” he teased, in spite of the danger.
Her burnished gold brows collided. “I shall not marry, I tell you! There is nothing that could make me—” She faltered, and for an instant he saw something in her eyes that made his pulse jump. Then it was gone, replaced by a recalcitrant glare. “There is not a man on this earth to persuade me otherwise,” she ended briskly.
“At the risk of again incurring your wrath, I will once more advise you against surrounding your heart with walls so high that none can scale them,” he said. “I tried to hide from life once and found that doing so brought me only loneliness and misery. I watched my friends move on while I remained stagnant and was left behind. I wasted so much time and missed out on so many wonderful things, and all out of fear. That is time I will never recover.” It was terribly risky telling her this, but she needed to know. Even if she never saw him as a potential mate, she needed to hear it for her own sake. “I would not wish you to endure that kind of regret. I live with it daily, and it is a most unpleasant burden.”
Her mouth parted in surprise. “I—I did not know. I never thought you’d…not after…” Blushing, she ducked her head. “After you lost Jane, I simply never imagined that…I mean, you certainly never appeared to desire anything but to be left alone in that regard,” she blurted, her color deepening. “What I mean to say is that it is entirely understandable that you would wish to be left in peace after suffering such a tragedy.” Taking a deep breath, she squared her shoulders. “But that is all to change now that you’ve determined to marry, of course. I’m sure you’ll be very happily wed in no time at all.”
The prediction had been uttered with forced cheer, giving him hope. “Wed perhaps, but ‘happily’ is debatable. At my age, I don’t hold much hope for a love match.”
“Then you will compromise where I will not,” she said, her discomfiture vanishing in the face of firm resolve. “But perhaps I’ll be more fortunate than you in the area of regrets, for I make my choice without any reason save my own preference. I have neither the need nor the desire to marry. Therefore, I shan’t. And nothing Charles says or does can change my mind.” Again, she began to walk.
Bloody hell. “E
leanor, wait,” he said, hastening to catch up. Without thinking, he reached out and grasped her elbow.
When she turned, he saw pain written on her features. Almost at once, however, her former mask of nonchalance returned. “Have you yet more sage advice to offer?”
He wanted to answer her, but nothing came out of his mouth. The sight of her beautiful face upturned and lit by the gentle morning sun drove all coherent thought from his mind. One of her dark-honey brows lifted. Say something, you idiot! “I never wanted to—”
“Eleanor!”
It was Rowena, and she was fast approaching. Smothering a curse, Sorin stepped away from Eleanor and bowed to greet Rowena as she dipped a hasty curtsy.
