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Sorin’s heart again leaped when Eleanor declined to rebut her assertion. Another good sign. Perhaps her headstrong resolve to remain unwed had at last given way to good sense. Out of consideration for the ladies as well as his own growling stomach, he offered to treat them to a late afternoon tea at Devereux Court.
They arrived just in time. When Eleanor went to visit the powder room, Sorin took the opportunity to broach the delicate matter at hand. “Lady Ashford, I’d like to discuss the upcoming—”
“How long have you been in love with her?”
The bluntness of her inquiry caught him off guard. Fool! He’d been too obvious in his conduct today. “I have, as you know, always been very fond of Eleanor,” he stammered, unsure of her mood and intent. Her face was closed and unreadable.
“What I observed in the way you looked at her this afternoon goes beyond ‘fondness’,” she said quietly.
Panic set in. He could only attempt to explain himself and hope. “As a child, Eleanor charmed me to the point of spoiling her as I might have done a younger sister. When she grew older, however, the nature of my affection changed—not through any fault of hers, but wholly through my own.”
Her brow furrowed.
“I was not as careful with her as I should have been,” he rushed on. “In my weakness, my own selfish and irresponsible need to be adored, I indulged her. I let her remain too familiar with me for too long and failed to enforce the rules of propriety with her until it was too late.” He ran shaking hands over his hot face. God, help me.
“Go on,” she prompted.
“Everything began to change when I came home the year of her sixteenth birthday,” he told her. “Out of innocent affection, she offered her usual effusive greeting and embraced me. To my eternal shame, I…” He swallowed and took a deep breath. Her face was as pale as parchment, but he wouldn’t coat the truth. “I reacted as no gentleman ought.”
All remaining color leached from her cheeks and lips.
Panic turned into utter terror. “In my haste to correct myself, I admonished her most assiduously for her demonstrative behavior and in the process wounded her deeply. The breach was mended, but only just, and it has never been the same between us since.” He peered into her eyes, imploring her to understand, to forgive. “I have tried every possible way to dissuade myself of…” He faltered again. “All efforts to expunge such feelings have failed.” He steeled himself, expecting a look of revulsion to cross her features, but none came.
“And that was the real reason you left and stayed away for so long,” said Rowena, her voice not ungentle, though her countenance remained dangerously pale.
He nodded. “I’d hoped that she would marry and be gone before I came back. But year after year she did not, and I could not stay away forever. When I returned home this time, I knew I could no longer run. I’ll either have to watch her fall in love and marry another or find a way to persuade her to marry me. I have little hope of the latter.”
“But why? Why do you assume she won’t return the sentiment?”
“Because she confessed to me only weeks ago that she looks to me as a model for the kind of man she wishes to marry,” he said flatly. “But it is plain she does not see me in that role.”
“Perceptions change.”
“Perhaps, but not overnight. I spent years lecturing and correcting her at every turn. I pointed out every infinitesimal fault, from the way she walked and spoke to how she held a teacup. More recently, I called into question her very judgment.” A strangled laugh forced its way out. “I’ve been a mentor and a chaperone to her, an older brother almost. Sibling affection is rather a significant hurdle to overcome when one is contemplating a marriage, would you not agree?”
“Not so significant as you might think,” she replied with an arch smile. “I saw the way she looked at you at the jeweler’s. I find it not unreasonable to believe that time has changed the nature of her affection for you, as well. We must find out.”
Hope again flared within him. “Therein lies the chief problem,” he told her. “I don’t know how to approach her to fathom out the depth or nature of her feelings for me without risking exposure of my own—which, if her view of me remains unaltered, would forever ruin our friendship. I won’t risk injuring her. Surely you must comprehend my prudence?”
Rowena slowly shook her head. “You know each other so well, and yet you’ve been blind to each other for so long. It is clear to me at least that she loves you, dear friend. Deeply, and not, I think, in a sisterly fashion.”
His face heated once more. “If I am to marry her, there can be no doubt,” he insisted. “I want her to marry me to satisfy her own heart’s desire and for no other reason. If she wishes me to serve in the capacity of a husband, I will most happily oblige. But if not, then I would rather remain silent and preserve both her ignorance and, therefore, her happiness.”
Rowena again shook her head. “If you think this is something that can be hidden from her in perpetuity, you are much mistaken. How will you go about gaining such surety without revealing yourself?”
“For now, my intent is to remain near her and allow her to once again become comfortable in our friendship.” He closed his eyes for a moment and sent up a brief prayer. “I’ve made so many mistakes with her. Mistakes I must now overcome. The barriers I strove to put between us must now be dismantled, and I fear it won’t be easy. My past rejection of her innocent affection has left her wary. And then there is the matter of Charles. I fear he will take great umbrage when I reveal my true intent, which I cannot do until I ascertain her feelings.”
“Allow me to help you with that,” offered Rowena. “I cannot imagine he would ever disapprove of your marrying Eleanor. If anything, he should welcome the idea. We could certainly choose no better match for her. Let me talk to him.”
“No,” he said at once. “I and I alone must speak with him about this. He would see it as a betrayal of his trust if he discovered it by any other means.”
“You discredit the strength of his love for you,” she said sternly. “Charles views you as a brother.”
“Well do I know it. And because of his faith in me, he has placed Eleanor in my care this Season.” He took a steadying breath. “Rowena, please…”
Pursing her lips, she sat back with a sigh. “Very well. But unless you are more discreet than you were this afternoon, he will see the truth for himself, as I did. A blind man would have seen your love for her.”
Indeed, he must exercise more care. A great deal more. The struggle to keep his true feelings from showing was getting harder every day. “Agreed.”
