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So I let her do things to me that I was not expecting. But I'm rewarded with the picture of a tiny little blob inside of my womb.
I feel a surge of terror, it's true. But I also am thrilled that I'm having a baby. Will it throw a wrench in everything? Yes. Do I have to face Jeff again? Yeah. But I can't wait to have this baby.
"I can tell that you're excited. Do you know who the father is?"
I nod.
"Will you tell him?" "I'm not sure," I tell her. I really don't know. For one thing, he lives next door to us. He'd probably notice if I had a kid. But if I had some kind of rebound relationship, maybe he'd never know.
I stop that train of thought right in its tracks. I can't do that to Jeff. I know that he's stressed out, trying to take care of Danny and the business, but he does love his kid and thinks that Danny is the center of the universe.
"Let's get you started on a course of prenatal vitamins," the doctor says, scribbling something on a pad. "And then you'll be set. Let's schedule another appointment for you a month from now."
I go to the front and pay my co-pay. I schedule an appointment for a month away. And the whole time, I'm wondering how Jeff is going to react. I know that he'll be happy about the baby. He probably won't be happy that I'm the mother.
"I'll take care of you," I whisper to the baby, putting my hand on my soft stomach. "I'll always love you."
Chapter 31
Afternoon Nap
Elia
Before I can talk myself out of it, I knock on Jeff's door as soon as I come down our street. I can hear Danny crying. I check my watch. It's time for his afternoon nap.
Jeff opens the door with Danny sitting on his hip. His hair is disheveled and Danny's face is red, as if he's been screaming for a while. When Danny sees me, he imperiously stretches out his arms. As soon as I take him, he shuts up. I kiss his squishy little tear-stained cheek.
"Thank God you're here," Jeff says. "I know we have to talk, but give me a half hour, okay?" He runs into his office and shuts the door.
"You're a little smelly," I tell Danny. "I think you pooped. And I think you could use a bath." Bathing him always makes him sleepy.
I carry Danny into the bathroom and fill the baby tub. I wipe his butt before he gets in. He splashes a little bit and gets me wet, but I don't mind. I use baby soap on his body and very carefully lather and rinse his little head, shielding his eyes with my hand. Then I wrap him in a fuzzy towel and put him on the changing table to slap a diaper on him. His eyes are more closed than open at this point. I sit down on the couch in Danny's room and I feel his whole body relax. I carefully move him into the crib, watching his chest rise and fall. He's okay.
I just don't know if I am. When I think of Danny getting a little brother, I swell with pride. But I still haven't talked to Jeff about my news.
I sit outside of his office door, listening to him conclude a meeting. When it's over, he opens the office door and almost walks right by me to get to the stairs.
"Hey." He whips around and sees me. "Danny?"
"Asleep. He was just tired and fussy. He needed a bath."
"Good," Jeff says, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know how to manage without you."
I blink. I can dance around this, but I need to just say it. My heart is beating in a crazy rhythm. "I have to talk to you about something." "It's for the best," Jeff says, his voice soft. But I can see longing in his face. It was harder to tell yesterday.
"No, it's something else." "Okay, shoot." "I'm pregnant."
Jeff's jaw drops. "What?" he chokes.
"I just went to the doctor. I've been throwing up every morning this week. The doctor confirmed that I'm pregnant." I watch Jeff's face. The surprise is fading into confusion.
"How?" "The first time," I tell him. "We tried to use condom, but once is all it takes. We weren't careful enough."
He sinks on the couch across from me. "I'm not going to ask for a paternity test." I can tell that he's thinking about the bloodstains created by my virginity in his bed.
"I've only slept with you," I say.
He's staring at the floor. I'm terrified that he'll look at me and just order me out, never to darken his doorstep again. What would happen to Danny?
