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“I sent Tommy and Jared on this mission because they were the only two I trusted to not fuck up.”
“Why them?” Rene asked.
“Because they were the smartest and to be honest, Jared has a gift.”
“He sure does,” Rene answered, speaking what her thoughts were.
The two women sighed in unison at the thought of Jared.
“Things aren’t much different on Earth. Except the Crapball. I don’t think I want to know what that is. Sounds messy.”
After a moment of thought, the queen began. “I want to just rule Uranus. I want my people happy. I want these fucking post-menstrual cramps to stop. Damn I hate this part of the month. And I really want to have one of those mind-blowing orgasms I see on all those Earth porno channels.”
The queen became frustrated as she talked. “I have tried. I mean, I have had sex with almost every man on the planet. It feels nice. They don’t seem to have any problems getting off. I just don’t. I have with…well, one person, but that was a while ago. Of course, there was this other guy. He was from Pluto. Dumb as a rock but…dear me, it was this fucking long.” The queen held her hands apart like sizing up a fish.
The two girls laughed and Rene wiggled her eyebrows. “You have his number?” 68
In the End
Touching Rene’s hand the queen asked, “Jared is really special. Do you love him?
He is important to me for more than the obvious reason and while I’m not at all happy with the thought of him with another woman, I also want him happy. I just want…I don’t know. There is something between you two. I want that.” The queen looked down, knowing Rene could give Jared more than she ever could.
“He and Tommy are like peanut butter and jelly. When you have one you have to have the other. They both spread really well. Tommy is a great cook, too. He has great taste in clothes and decorating. Look what he did to my palace.” Rene sighed, “He gives great backrubs, too.”
“Backrubs?” the queen asked.
Quickly Rene changed subjects. “Dear Lord, your ass must feel like a sponge. Don’t worry though. Most women on Earth don’t always have orgasms.” Rene paused. “The men all think they do, but that’s not reality.
“If I didn’t have my toys I’d have gone nuts. You ever try a vibrator?” Rene fumbled through her bag.
“Vibrator? Well yes. But mine is old and after the batteries died I just couldn’t see being intimate with something made from a foreign planet.”
“Some women just have their clits buried a little deeper and need the treasure unearthed.” Rene found what she wanted in her bag. She pulled out a large, pink vibrator still in its wrapper. It was smooth, glowing and had a clit stimulator on it.
Rene opened the wrapper and turned the base to start it. The slow hum vibrated through her hand. She handed it to the queen.
The queen closed her eyes and gently moaned. “Wow, this is…well this is nice.” The queen rubbed along the shaft. It was slick but soft to the touch. “It’s a lot different from the one I have. Mine looks like a tree stump. What all can this thing do? Can it fix a garbage disposal?”
69
S.L. Carpenter
Rene leaned over and whispered into the queen’s ear. Raising an eyebrow the queen had a wicked grin. “Multiple orgasms? Rechargeable batteries? This thing reminds me of this guy from Pluto I went out with. Except it didn’t hum like this. It squeaked.”
The queen leaned over and opened a drawer beside her bed. “See, this is mine.” Rene jerked back and stared at the old-fashioned vibrator. It was a good twelve inches long, was thick and dark brown.
“So, is it true?” the queen asked Rene.
Still staring she replied, “Is what true?”
“You know, about the darker men of your planet. Are they bigger?”
“Uhhhh, well, it’s a myth actually. But I did accidentally walk into the men’s room at work when I started and saw this guy Russell in there. Damn, he was hung like, well, like this toy. He moved up quickly in the company. The women’s division.
“You know something. I think we can help each other out here. You ever have chocolate?”
“What’s chocolate?” the queen was sincerely confused.
