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“Nick?” she called through the door, knocking on it.
“Yeah.”
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah.” She opened the door and saw her brother sitting on his bed, reading, wearing nothing but his boxer shorts.
“Nick—” she began, but was unable to continue.
“It’s okay,” he said. “Let’s not talk about it anymore.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s just, I’ve always known it was wrong, and I’ve always felt ashamed about it. Today, before I first saw you, I wanted to be this kind of girl that you’d want but couldn’t have, because then you’d know how I feel, and—” she stopped herself from speaking, realizing the words were simply spilling out of her.
“But Sara,” he said earnestly. “I do want you. And I know that’s wrong, too! And look, I don’t think you’re wrong or disgusting for thinking the way you do. I don’t blame you for anything!” His eyes faltered and he looked away from her, but the admission had hit Sara right in the heart.
“Y-you do, too?” she asked.
“Yes,” he managed with some difficulty. “I’ve always liked you a little more than I should have. I’ve just, you know, controlled it. Like my diet. I’m a controller, you know? I’ve missed you so much since leaving home, but force myself to focus on something else. Anything else!”
“Nick,” she whispered, feeling her head grow light and her vision begin to blur at the edges. “Would it be wrong—”
“Yes,” he said, his voice imbued with a harsh severity.
“Really?” Sara persisted.
“I think so.”
“But why?”
“Oh, Sara, I don’t know!” he cried, burying his face in his hands. Sara saw his conflict, something so deep within him like it was within her, and she moved to his bed and sat next to him and took one of his hands into hers. Just touching his hand felt electric.
“Nick, don’t feel bad,” she said. “I like that we have the same feelings.”
“You don’t understand, Sara. We can’t.”
“Listen to me, Nick.” Sara paused, marshaling her thoughts. “For so long I’ve liked you more than I should have, and I’ve been shamed into hiding it. We’re brother and sister, even if we don’t have the same blood running through our veins! “But listen—” she trailed off, trying to find the words. She felt the beginnings of that nervousness returning, and her lower lip trembled as emotions flooded into her.
“I’ve always liked you. I just think we get along so well, you know? And tonight, well, I only wanted to tell you that I spied on you that night. I don’t know why! I was drunk. But I was thinking about it before we went out.
“But to find out that you knew all along, it shocked me. I felt so embarrassed. But now I know why you knew, and so now you knowing is a good thing. I don’t know if I’m explaining it well enough for you to understand. But the burden is gone now, Nick. You’ve freed me from it.”
“Really?” he asked, looking at her for the first time since his admission.
“Yes,” she said. “Yes, really. You understand the way I feel, because you feel it too, right?”
“Y-yes.”
“It’s so nice to have someone who understands me, Nick,” she said truthfully. “I almost wanted to spite you today by dressing nice in front of you, by looking good in front of you. I don’t know why. I guess it was, like, a bitterness inside me. I’d always felt rejected. Not so much by you, but by the fact that the rules say I can’t like you this way. But I do, and now I know you do, so fuck the rules! Let it out, Nick! Accept it!”
“Sara—”
“No,” she said, and she grabbed his face in between her hands and pulled him toward her. She kissed him, at first gingerly on the lips, and he did not respond. She pulled him a little closer, and wormed her lower lip in between his, and that was when she felt him starting to kiss back.
In an instant, urgency overwhelmed her, and she kissed him with a ferocity that she didn’t know she possessed. Nick’s resolve seemed to melt away, and she felt him concede, submit, and soon he was kissing her back, their tongues a warm and wet dance of exploration, their lips mashed roughly together.
The kiss turned to fire, all tongue and teeth, and Sara felt her step-brother’s hands at the cord that tied her robe together. He undid the not, and the robe opened to bare her nude body beneath it. He slid the robe off her shoulders, and broke the kiss to look her up and down.
“Jesus,” he whispered. “You’re so beautiful.”
