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“No,” I worked on suppressing the hurt he was trying to create between us.
“Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone you just rode on the wild side to appease some sort of need to do something bad. You have your perfect little life with your perfect little friends. I won’t fuck that up for you,” he said.
“It’s not like that at all. Why are you lashing out at me?” I was suddenly aware that I’d pushed too far, too fast.
“You turn heads because you’re beautiful, not because they are afraid of walking past you like me.”
I climbed off him and wrapped my arms around my knees. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep from allowing him to hurt me. “Maybe if you would stop trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations, Devlin, and just be yourself it wouldn’t be so hard for you to love another person,” I whispered.
“Is that what you think I’m doing? I couldn’t give two shits about what people think about me,” he growled.
“I think you’re scared,” I swallowed hard, realizing I was about to admit too much.
Devlin laughed wholeheartedly. “I’m scared. You’re right. You hit the nail right on the head.”
“Then prove it to me. Prove to me that you’re not scared to love, because — I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”
“Not yet, maybe. But you’ll wind up leaving at one point or another. They always do,” he said as he looked out the jeep window.
“So, as long as it’s you who leaves first, then it makes it all okay? Love them and leave them before they can hurt you?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Then show me. Stop trying to hurt me so I walk away. Stop trying to guard yourself from feeling something special for someone who could love you back,” I said.
He shook his head and leaned into me. He kissed me, but hesitated before pulling away. “I should get you back to your friends before they have a search party out for us.”
I climbed out of the back hoping I got to him enough that he’d at least think about it, rather than discard any feelings he had to avoid getting hurt. When he followed and put himself back together, I closed the back up and attempted a smile.
He pointed to the festivities. “After you.”
I put my head down and led him back to the crowd. The fireworks have long been over, and the carnival was thinning out. I walked into the midway and looked around for my friends. “There they are,” I said. “Doesn’t seem like they missed us at all.”
Mia, Camilla, and the others were still in the same area, Camilla’s lips still locked onto Bones’ while Mia and her friend were sitting close to each other as they enjoyed ice cream cones together. Bones stepped back and kissed Camilla one last time before disappearing between two vendors.
“Where’s Bones going?” I asked. When Devlin didn’t respond, I looked behind me, and he was gone. I stopped and looked around, knowing it was pointless. He was gone because he wanted to be. Still guarded and afraid to feel. I walked slowly back to my friends, forcing a smile on my face. I didn’t know what I was expecting with a man like him.
But I did know the effect he had on me. He changed me.
CHAPTER 4
Devlin
KICKING MYSELF, after five minutes or so, I went back to where I left her, but she was nowhere to be seen. I had been stubborn. I wanted her to think I didn’t care. I wanted her to think I wasn’t interested. Truth was, I was more interested in Naomi than I admitted even to myself and now she was gone.
There weren’t many people left. Vendors were cleaning up and shutting down. Rides were finishing up with the last of the revelers before locking the gates and shutting down for the night. The next day would be tearing down and loading up, leaving the entire area back to the fields and parking lots this town was used to. Another successful Fourth of July had come and gone, leaving me with a memory of a woman I could have seen in my future. I was pissed at myself for not getting more than just her first name and walking away instead of staying.
I went back to the area of the parking lot designated for motorcycles. Bones was waiting for me on his Harley Roadster, and I climbed onto mine.
“How was she anyway? You never did say,” Bones never held back. “Was she good?”
“Hang it up, man.”
Bones leaned back and gawked at me. I was in no mood to play his love ‘em and leave ‘em game.
“Hang. It. Up. Man,” he repeated slowly. “Oh, man.”
“What?”
“I was right from the beginning, wasn’t I?”
“About what?” I asked, but not really interested in his answer.
