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“Tell her that. Anyway, what are you wearing?”
“I haven’t thought about it.”
“Well, you had better. It’s tomorrow. You aren’t going in last year’s suit. I won’t allow it.”
“I don’t know if I’m even going,” I sighed.
“What?” Mia’s eyes grew wide. “You have to go. You can’t miss the Labor Day beach party. It’s the big blowout at the end of summer before everything changes, and the beaches get shut down for the season. We go every year.”
“I don’t know. I’m just not feeling the best lately.”
“That’s an understatement. What’s wrong with you?” She plopped down next to me on the couch.
“I think it’s the ‘flu or something. I don’t know. I haven’t been very hungry and everything I do eat I want to throw back up again.”
She put her hand on my forehead and cocked her head. “You don’t feel warm. Maybe it’s something you ate.”
“Maybe,” I glanced at the trash can in the kitchen where I threw the pregnancy test away in hopes of no one finding it. The two tiny blue lines were still seared into my mind.
“Well, maybe getting out of the house and actually doing something fun will do you good. Say it with me, girl. Alcohol.”
“Maybe.”
“Come on. You haven’t done much in the last few months.”
“I know. I’ve been—”
“Don’t give me the I’ve been busy bit. You haven’t been that busy. You’re not even back at work yet.”
I didn’t have an argument. She had me.
“Naomi, I can’t pretend I haven’t noticed a change in you. I don’t know what’s up, but you really need to snap out of it. You seem, I don’t know, depressed.”
“What do you mean? I’m not depressed,” I sat up straight and held my chin up in a futile attempt to ward off any proof. “How have I changed?”
“Oh, gee. I don’t know. Seems like ever since the Fourth of July carnival you’ve been wallowing in your own private bubble. I believe I could say that Devlin had something to do with it.”
I felt a nauseous feeling crash over me, and I closed my eyes. “I was so stupid to go off with him that night.”
“No, you weren’t. What you were stupid about was falling for him.”
“I didn’t fall for him,” I scoffed, crunching my eyebrows together.
“You’re lying. You said it was the best sex of your life. Was there more to it than just that? You were only supposed to screw him for a good time and then pat on that nice ass of his to send him on his way. ”
“I… tried.”
“I know. Instead, he got into your head and changed you somehow.”
I looked at her wanting to tell her everything but not knowing how.
“I’m sorry you weren’t able to find him again, Naomi. But, I think it’s for the best. He probably would have broken your heart. It’s not like he’s the kind of guy to stick around, ya know? Hell, he’s probably five states away by now.”
“Yeah.” Tears welled up in my eyes, and I pushed the covers off my legs to get away before the waterworks began again.
“Naomi,” she called after me. “What’s wrong?”
I ran into the bathroom and locked the door. “I’ll be out in a minute,” I choked.
“It’s something more than Devlin and that night, isn’t it?”
I let the water run out of the faucet, the cold water smoothing my hands. The image I saw looking back at me in the mirror wasn’t the woman I knew. I wasn’t familiar with the pregnant eyes looking back. “How did I get here?” I asked the reflection in a whisper. “What do I do now?”
I cupped my hand and let the water pool up before bringing it to my mouth. The cold water running down into my stomach felt good. I covered my face with my hands and let the coldness battle the heat from my cheeks.
Truth was I have always wanted a child, a family of my own to care for, but I didn’t want to do it alone. This moment was supposed to be shared happily with the man I was in love with, the man I had married, the man I wanted to grow old with. Nausea hit my stomach again, and I pooled the water into my hands once more, bringing it to my mouth. Unfortunately, all the sips in the world would have done nothing that time, and I emptied what I had in my stomach into the toilet.
A soft knock on the door was followed by Mia’s tender voice. “Are you okay, Naomi? Can I get you anything?”
Devlin would be nice, I thought. I wondered how he would have reacted to my news. A drifter on his way through town being stopped by the likes of me and his unexpected offspring. What would he have done? I scoffed and shook my head at the thought. I would have been raising this child on my own regardless if he knew or not. Maybe it was a good thing I didn’t find him.
