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That last sentence was a cry of desperation, a thing she was telling herself more than me. Her lower lip trembled as she said it, throwing defiance in the face of all the crap life had given her. Even as she yelled at me, I had to admit I was impressed at her dogged determination.
But then I came to my senses. No one got to speak to me like that, not even Kiki.
I adopted my most vacant expression. She had already pulled from me all the vulnerability she was going to get. I wouldn’t allow her an ounce more. Kiki wanted to be spoken to like she was just some average chick? Fine. No special treatment.
“Drop your uniform off before you go.”
She swallowed, waiting for me to say something else. I didn’t gratify her.
“Sure,” she said, her voice stony.
It was a cold war between two equally matched opponents, neither of us willing to give even an inch as we stared into one another’s eyes, hate frothing so tangibly I felt it coat my skin.
Finally, Kiki scowled.
“I’ll go leave my uniform with Sonia.”
With that, she stalked across the casino floor and to the employee lounge. Back there, I knew, she would take her Dazzlers uniform off for the final time, fold it neatly, and return it to the stack of costumes, sizes 00-6, we always had lying around. There would be nothing distinct about the outfit, nothing to mark that such an incredible woman had once worn it. The fringe would regain its anonymity, and Kiki would dissipate.
I bent over at the waist, unconsciously recalling a thing I use to do as a child. If you lean over and take deep, gasping breaths for about thirty seconds, then stand up, put your back against a wall and hold your arms up, you instantly faint. The moments between fainting and regaining consciousness are filled with vivid, stirring dreams, the likes of which you never experience during sleep.
Now seemed like a good time to pass out and escape somewhere else. But I was an adult, and there was no running from my responsibilities.
I stood up straight, and tried to wrap my head around what had just passed between Kiki and me.
She was going to work at RES.
It was the greatest insult possible. More than that, though, it was patently unsafe. I refused to believe that Mac had just happened to hire her. He knew exactly who Kiki was, had bid fiercely on her in the virginity sale — if only to goad me and up his final take. He must be up to something.
Kiki hated me, she’d made that much clear, and I wasn’t too pleased with her, either.
But I needed to protect her from whatever Mac had in store.
So what the fuck did I do now?
CHAPTER 26
Kiki
“HEY, Tulsie?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s Kiki. I’m taking the job.”
“Good,” she replied. “Come in now. I’ll tell them to get your paperwork ready. Welcome aboard.”
The older woman hung up, not one for pleasantries.
My heart was still beating a mile a minute, and I put my hand on my chest to steady the rapid thump.
Did I really just do that?
I had just left Dazzlers and now I turned to look back on its gigantic façade, covered in reflective crystal and purple glass.
Was I actually going to leave this place, which had been such a big part of my life? I’d only worked there for six months, granted, but I’d gone to watch my dad work (and later, gamble) since I was a toddler, maybe even younger. Who was I, when Dazzlers was no longer a part of me?
You’re a better person, my brain supplied. Without Dazzlers, you can finally become the Kiki you’re meant to be.
I — I mean, my brain — was right. Dazzlers had stood in the way of my happiness for too long. This would be a chance at a fresh start. And, hey, with the pay increase, maybe I could finally start saving for Washington.
I didn’t look back at the casino again, just walked forward and into my future.
Within half an hour, I was at RES, palms sweating with first-day jitters.
“You can do this, you can do this,” I instructed myself under my breath. “You’re gonna be great.”
I found Tulsie right where I’d left her yesterday — smoking a cigarette and doing calculations. Maybe women like that worked at casinos because it was the only place left where you could still smoke a cigarette indoors.
“You made up your mind real fast,” she said by way of greeting.
“I had a little help.”
I waited for her to press me, but of course, she didn’t. She was the type for whom work is work, and even the mildest of non-work questions was unwelcomed. I had a certain admiration for such an attitude, in that it’s only sustainable if said person has a thriving extracurricular life. Perhaps Tulsie was a real lady about town in her spare time. I hoped so, anyway.
