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‘So it’s hard for both of them.’ He paused. ‘I’m not sure it’s the kind of marriage that I’d want for myself...’ And why was he telling her that? ‘Although my naval days are behind me.’
‘They are?’ This time, she did look at him. ‘Have you decided for certain?’
‘Yes.’ He nodded firmly. ‘I don’t know what I’m going to do next, but it won’t be the navy.’
‘Oh.’ There was a faint crease between her brows. ‘I see.’
‘You sound disappointed.’
‘No, just surprised. Anna said you were so desperate to join.’
‘When I was seventeen, yes, as soon as I could convince my father to let me go.’
‘And you’re an acting lieutenant already? You must be good at what you do.’
‘It’s easier to be promoted in wartime. My captain thought I had a talent for navigation so he made me a midshipman. Then, when we were short of officers, he promoted me to lieutenant.’
‘Why were you short of officers?’
‘Enemy action.’
‘You mean in a battle?’
‘Not quite. We were set on by a French Squadron a couple of years ago. Fortunately Captain Marlow hid us in a fog bank, but we sustained a lot of damage.’
‘How frightening.’ She shuddered. ‘Is that why you were out of contact with the Admiralty for so long?’
‘Not because of that, no.’ He hesitated, tempted to tell her the truth, the things he hadn’t told anyone, even James, but it was hard to find the words to begin...
‘Forgive me.’ She seemed to notice his expression. ‘It’s none of my business.’
‘No, it’s not that...’ He slowed his pace, suddenly wanting to tell her. ‘The reason we were out of contact started a few months later when we were sent in pursuit of a Spanish frigate. She led us across the Atlantic and down the coast of South America.’
‘Around Cape Horn? I remember you said you were stuck in the Pacific for the past year.’
He grimaced, swallowing against a sudden constricting sensation in his throat. ‘That wasn’t quite true, I’m afraid. That is, we did round Cape Horn, but then the frigate turned around again. We never did find out why.’
‘Oh.’ She looked faintly puzzled.
‘Forgive the deception. Only the truth is difficult to talk about.’
‘Then you don’t have to.’
‘But I think I’d like to. You see, our Captain fell ill just off the coast of Brazil not long afterwards and we were forced to berth in the West Indies for him to get medical treatment. He was a good captain: honourable, strict, but fair, too. Unfortunately, his replacement, Captain Belton, was the opposite. He had no honour at all. He was a bully and a fool, determined to find the lost frigate and prove himself no matter what the cost. He got information that it had gone north so we followed, all the way up to Lower Canada, never mind that it was nearly winter and we were all practically freezing to the masts.’
‘Couldn’t you object?’
He made a face. ‘Objecting isn’t really an option in the navy. Naval vessels have a strict hierarchy. Obeying the chain of command is everything, even when the commands in question don’t make any sense. There’s only one punishment for mutiny.’
‘But surely if he was endangering your lives...?’
‘That’s not something for the crew to decide. A ship’s doctor can diagnose
madness, but stupidity isn’t the same thing, not in the Admiralty’s eyes anyway.’ He shook his head. ‘We were off the coast of Newfoundland when a blizzard set in. We were blown off course into a bay and trapped. Literally trapped. When the storm abated, the ship was held fast by ice.’
‘How terrifying.’
‘As I recall, I was too cold to feel a great deal of anything except numb. Fortunately, at that point our worthy captain decided to barricade himself in his cabin.’
