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‘Yes, but...’ She gulped, feeling an almost electric jolt at the mention of love. Was he saying that he loved her? No, he was comparing them to Anna and the Earl, but not in that way...
‘And since my grandfather disowned my parents and by extension me, I don’t see what his vaunted position has to do with anything.’
‘All I’m saying is that you could marry a lady if you wanted.’
‘If being the operative word.’ He sounded almost angry at the suggestion. ‘Or are you saying that I should marry a lady on some kind of principle?’
‘No-o, I just think...’
‘I think you are.’ He tore himself free from her hands and stood up, pacing the room as he spoke. ‘You’re suggesting that I ought to make up for my mother’s so-called “mistake”! That I ought to act as if my father never existed and take up some kind of position in society.’
‘Not necessarily, but maybe you ought to meet a few more ladies before deciding against them.’
‘I’ve met ladies. I’ve served them in the shop enough times and trust me, there’s no difference between them and any other woman except for clipped vowels and expensive clothes. I told you the first day, that’s not my definition of a lady.’
‘It’s not just about vowels and clothes! It’s about all of this!’ She waved her arms around in a circle. ‘This house. This estate. This is the world your family lives in now! That makes it part of your life, too, and how could I ever be a part of it? I don’t belong here.’
‘And you think that I do? Henrietta, I may have a tenuous connection to this place by birth, but in case you h
adn’t noticed, this isn’t my world either. I’m glad to be here with my family again, but as a guest. I’m not a gentleman.’
‘But you could be.’
‘I doubt it. Honestly, I can’t think of anything more boring. People expect you to make calls and wear damned dinner jackets every day!’
‘Sebastian.’ She couldn’t help a burble of laughter from escaping her lips.
‘I’m not saying that there wouldn’t be compensations. Good food, a feather-filled bed, servants catering to my every whim and cigars after dinner, but none of that’s who I am. I could never live in a place like this. Whereas a house in Bath, close to Swainswick Crescent, maybe next to the park where the boys could play, with a woman who knows how to work for a living, a friend and an equal, someone I like and respect...well, that sounds pretty close to perfect to me.’
She swallowed again, staring into his eyes as they bored into hers, unable to think of a single thing to say. He was right, it did sound pretty close to perfect...
‘Henrietta...’ He crouched down, his knees touching against hers. ‘I know who I am and who I want to be. There have been moments in my life when I’ve felt guilty and helpless, but I finally feel as though I’m making up for those times now. I feel as though I’m doing something useful and worthwhile again. Most of all I want to do the right thing.’
The right thing? She blinked at the words. He was talking as if she were a lady and he’d compromised her. Which, if she had been a lady, she supposed would be true. He’d kissed her and slept in the same room, albeit chastely, on several occasions over the past week. But she wasn’t a lady and there was no need for him to do the right thing. Neither she nor the boys were his responsibility. Besides, what about love? she wanted to ask, but somehow she couldn’t bring herself to do it. How could she expect him to answer a question she didn’t know the answer to herself? She liked him, she enjoyed his company far more than she’d ever expected to enjoy any man’s company, but surely it was too soon for love? And wasn’t what he was offering her enough? Friendship, mutual respect and a home, not just for herself, but for her nephews, too. It would have sounded greedy to ask for more.
‘I’m not saying I can afford a house immediately.’ He looked faintly sheepish. ‘In fact, I’m not even sure where we’ll live, but I’ll work something out. I have some savings and I’ll earn the rest. I was thinking about your idea of serving tea at Belles. Maybe we could expand the premises? Or better still, find somewhere new and call it Henrietta’s. What do you think?’
‘I don’t know.’ She closed her eyes and then opened them again, trying to stop the room from spinning around her. ‘I’m speechless.’
‘Then just nod your head. Or shake it, but I’d prefer a nod.’
‘Sebastian...’
‘Wait.’ He reached for her hands, clasping them firmly between his. ‘If you’re going to say no, then let me say one more thing first. I know this is a bad time to ask. In fact, it’s a terrible time, probably the worst I could possibly have chosen, but I want you to know that you don’t have to face the future alone. I want to be there for you—all of you.’
‘But you don’t have to.’ She shook her head. ‘You don’t have to marry me just to be useful and make amends for the past.’
‘It’s not just that. Yes, I still feel guilty about Anna, but not enough to propose, I promise you.’ He lifted one of her hands and kissed the pulse at the base of her wrist. ‘It’s not just a question of feeling guilty. It’s you, too.’
Her breath stalled. ‘What about your freedom?’
‘I’ll still be free. So will you. We’ll make our own decisions together and with our own crew. Me, you and the boys.’ He grinned. ‘I’m happy. Right here and now, I’m happy and a large part of that is due to you. I think we could be happy building a life together.’
‘Oh.’ She felt her lips part, though for the life of her she had no idea how to close them again. Or how to form words for that matter.
‘We’re friends, aren’t we? Maybe even a little more than that? You kissed me once.’ His dark eyes glinted. ‘It wasn’t such a painful experience, was it?’
‘No.’ She let out something between a laugh and a hiccup, the joke unlocking her tongue. ‘No, it wasn’t painful.’
