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Regardless, I hate the idea that I’ve done this to him and I’m damned if I’ll leave him hanging with it now.
‘If you don’t want me, you only have to say the word and I’ll leave you alone, I promise. My ego can take it.’ I add the last for good measure, hoping to tease out a smile at least and reassure him all is okay between us. That we’ll always have this, our friendship.
He takes a breath and looks away from me, his laugh small, more of a sigh.
‘If only it were that simple.’
He lifts my hand from his arm but doesn’t release it.
‘I don’t want to want you, Caitlin...’ I can hear the vehemence in his tone, see it in his eyes as they come back to me hard and soft all at once. ‘I want you far enough away from me that you are safe.’
My laugh is startled, unnaturally high, but his choice of words is extreme, ridiculous even. I’ve never felt safer than I do when he is near.
‘In case you’ve forgotten, you saved me the very first night we met.’
‘That was different.’
‘No, that was a man taking advantage and one word from you and I was released... Granted, it was your club and granted, I did land in your lap, but you see, you’re like my knight in shinin
g armour. How can I possibly be anything but safe with you?’
He’s silent again and his hesitation is driving me crazy. Crazier than six years of living with this undercurrent. His eyes blaze into mine and a sudden shiver ripples through me in time with the breeze.
‘You’re cold.’ Before I can deny it, he’s releasing me and shrugging off his jacket, flicking it out to wrap it around my shoulders. I’m cocooned in his residual warmth, his scent, his... Oh, God, my lashes flutter closed and my nostrils flare as I breathe him in. When I open them again he’s there, so close.
So fucking close.
‘Cait...’
It’s a groan and his eyes fall to my lips, burn into them. Yes, kiss me. I’m pleading, begging, my lips parting, ready, so ready. I slowly run my teeth over my lower lip and he snaps, his growl fierce, a split second before his mouth claims mine.
Yes, God, yes.
It’s desperate, urgent, his tongue delving deep as his grip tightens over my upper arms, holding the jacket in place, or holding me closer, or trying to fight it. I don’t know but I’m dizzy. Dizzy on an explosion of sensation that starts with the taste of whisky, the roughness of his tongue as it grazes mine, and ends with the delicious tension coiling through my body. The pooling heat and the pulsing ache between my legs demand satisfaction.
He spins me against the tree, another growl low in his throat, and I feel his frustration, his anger at himself as he tears his mouth away. I suck in a breath and open my eyes to look up into his. They’re still tormented, plagued by a fire that’s not all desire, and I want it to be. I want the pain, the battle, the barrier—whatever it is, gone.
‘What are you doing to me?’ His breath rasps over my lips as he strains ever closer, but not close enough.
He shakes his head and presses his forehead to mine, his ragged breath bursting over my front, down the valley between my breasts, teasing at the goose bumps still alive. He squeezes his eyes shut and the second he opens them again I sense the shift, his surrender and resignation, but it doesn’t make me as relieved as it should.
‘If we do this...it’s for tonight only, Cait. There can be no repeats, no playing around when we go back to our lives in London.’
‘But—’
‘But nothing, Cait, this is it.’
‘If you just let me finish, I never said I wanted more...’ I say it confidently, more confidently than I feel because hell, I know I’m going to want more. I’ve wanted him for six years; returning to London won’t suddenly change that. Neither will one roll in the bedsheets—or the heather even. ‘Did I?’
‘No.’
‘This is just sex, Jackson,’ I say, forking my fingers through his hair. ‘You know, that thing people do in your club to let off steam? I’m sure we can manage it here without any strings.’
‘I’m sure we can manage a great many things.’
I laugh softly. ‘Anything in particular spring to mind?’
I feel the tension in his body start to ease, feel the battle continue in my favour.
