Page 75 of Losing Control


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‘Do you like them?’

‘Do I...?’ I say dumbly, the card and the label clutched to my chest, my eyes flickering towards the rose bush and back to him. I don’t think I’ve blinked. They’re watering that much. I feel starved of oxygen and have to heave in a breath.

‘But I... I don’t understand...’ I wave my hands at the roses, my suitcase, the whole room. ‘I thought... I thought I was here...we were here...for business...for...’

I can’t speak any more. I’m shaking. I clutch my arms around me and look back at him.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t like having to lie. I didn’t like making John and Janice do it either. But...’

He pockets his hands, his uncertainty so obvious and only adding to his appeal.

‘I was scared if you knew the truth you might not come, and I wanted to get it right this time. I wanted to be honest with you regardless of how scared it makes me feel. I needed to see you face to face and tell you.’

Anticipation has my heart beating out of control, and my words are hard to form. ‘Tell me what?’

‘That I love you, Lexi.’ His eyes glisten as he says it. ‘I’ve loved you ever since I came across you in that school corridor, lost and alone. I’ve loved you every single day of those seven years apart, even when I thought I hated you... I wish to God I’d never left, and I’m sorry for the time we lost, the time I lost with my family. I regret it so much. But I don’t think I’d be the same man now if I hadn’t gone. In truth, I don’t think I deserved you then, but I hope I’m the man to deserve you now...if you’ll have me.’

I’m listening to him, and I can see the sincerity in his face, feel his love filling the air between us.

‘But when I told you I would only marry for love, you said nothing.’

‘I said nothing because I was a fool. I thought you didn’t love me—that it was your way of telling me it could never be.’

I’m shaking my head now. ‘You wanted to own me?’

‘No, I wanted to marry you and spend the rest of my life loving you.’

He steps forward, his arms reaching out, but I instinctively step back.

‘How can I trust that this is real? That you won’t run away again when life gets hard? When...when things outside of our control crush us?’

I look to the flowers and I know he knows what I mean. I don’t need to spell it out.

‘Because I know we’re stronger together. Because I’ve learned from the mistakes of our past. I should have been there for you then, Lexi. I should have been there for both of you.’

Slowly I bend to place the card and the label back on the table. ‘So, what...?’ It’s not accusatory, it’s soft, inquisitive. I’m trying to understand. ‘You had a r

ose named in our daughter’s honour?’

He gives a soft laugh that’s shaky with sadness. ‘Don’t say it like that if you ever meet Peter—which I hope you will. He’s certainly eager to meet you.’

‘Peter?’

‘He’s the rose breeder who created her. She’s been years in the making—almost a decade, in fact.’

‘And he just happened to let you name her?’

His smile is slow. ‘For a price. But when I told him the reason I wanted to name it...when I told him about you and our Rose—’

His voice breaks a little, his smile falters, and I want to run to him. But I feel rooted, my heels stuck in the luxurious rug beneath me.

‘I think he let me haggle him down.’ He looks to the flowers. ‘She’s worth every penny, though.’

I don’t know whether he means the rose or our daughter, and I can’t trap the tiny sob that erupts.

‘Oh, God, Lexi, please don’t cry.’

He rushes towards me, pulls me into his arms and his warmth envelops me, his scent, his comfort, his love.

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