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It was a small unit but cute. Bella had a decent couch that I could use as a bed for a while, and that was what mattered. I put my bag at the end of the couch where the wall was, making sure that it was mostly hidden.
“Are you hungry? I was going to make spaghetti,” Bella offered.
I started to cry. “I made him dinner tonight. I wanted it to be like a date since we’ve been so busy,” I said, collapsing on the couch.
She walked over to hug me.
“Is this supposed to hurt so much, Bella? It never has.”
“It does when the person matters to you. It matters when you care this much,” she said sadly as she wrapped her arms around me.
I was surprised by my grief, but she got me calmed down and made some food. We opened a bottle of wine and I told her stories about when I was younger and how Jackson was always around. I told her about when I was walking home and some boys from school thought it would be fun to follow me. We were all about twelve at the time and I guessed they just thought it would be fun to freak me out. They never hurt me, but it had been creepy to find them hanging out just down the street or outside of school all the time and following me. One day, I’d had enough and yelled at them. They made it out like I was following them and that I had a crush on all of them.
I came home in tears. Jackson was there with my brother. I told them about the boys when they asked why I was crying. Greg looked angry, but Jackson said that it would be taken care of that day. He and my brother left the house and came back an hour later. Greg just said that it was taken care of and still looked angry, but Jackson patted my back and smiled.
The following day on the way to school, the boys were nowhere to be seen. That afternoon they didn’t follow me either. They stopped bothering me. I heard through the grapevine that Greg and Jackson had spoken to the boys and told them in no uncertain terms that I was to be left alone and what they were doing was wrong. I was grateful to Greg and Jackson and gradually it was forgotten about, but I knew that Jackson would look out for me.
He was always there for me. I asked Bella if I made a mistake in leaving his apartment.
“I think that it would have been tense there after what happened, so no. I think that you both need some space.” Bella searched my face carefully for a moment. “What about the job?”
I sighed heavily and took another sip of wine. I loved that job and the friends I’d made.
“I think I can keep it. I don’t see him all the time and it’s fun. I could keep it until I find something else, at least.” I knew that in doing so I risked seeing him with another woman or several, but I would do my best to separate it all. I didn’t want to give everything up over this falling out.
CHAPTER 16
JACKSON
I watched as she left with her bag, feeling the void in my heart. I wasn’t surprised by the fact she left as much as I was with the pain that I was feeling. I’d never had any trouble ending things with a girl before and just the idea of it over the last few days had made it hard to breathe.
I had thought it over constantly as I practiced and worked out with the guys. Nick talked to me when I wanted a sounding board and agreed that I should call things off. I didn’t want to fuck things up with Greg, and had to put him first. There were rules about that. What was I going to tell him now? Greg would be livid if he knew that Emma wasn’t staying here anymore, with or without knowing the reason. I was supposed to be taking care of her and I messed that up good.
I shook my head and listened to the silence of the apartment, something I never noticed before. It smelled great, and I looked back at the kitchen, remembering that she made dinner. I walked in for a beer and saw the covered plate along with the tray of vegetables. She worked hard on dinner and I grabbed a bottle from the fridge and started to go to the living room. I could watch some ESPN and settle down but as I did so, I thought back to the times that we did that together. It was lonely here.
There was no other option than to end things with her. I was moving slowly with Emma, more so than any other woman I’d been with. But I wanted her too damn bad to keep doing that. At the rate I had been going, I would have given in to my pent-up lust for her one of these nights and fucked her. That would have made everything between us that much more difficult and serious since Emma didn’t take that kind of thing lightly.
