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Sighing, I lift a taco to my mouth and take a big bite, loving the burst of flavors across my tastebuds as much as I lament losing the taste of Blake. He, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to be having the same problem. I haven’t seen anyone dig into Mom’s cooking like this since Dan was still alive. It makes her happy. Every time she looks at him stuffing his mouth with her home-made tortillas and savory chicken she smiles happily.
I’m amazed at how easily he’s fitting in with my family, not that we are difficult to get along with or anything. Lizzie is already hanging on his every word, and Auggie is looking at him the same way he does Spiderman. With a combination of awe and straight-up hero worship. We do our best, and Auggie is a normal, happy toddler, but there’s no substitute for a man in a boy’s life. None of us can lift him up until he can touch the ceiling. I think that was the best thing that ever happened to him. He’s already asked Blake to lift him up again half a dozen times, much to everyone’s amusement.
“Elinor,” Mom’s voice is quiet and filled with concern, “why are you not eating? I made your favorite.”
Darn it! I knew I wasn’t hiding my distraction well enough. “I’m okay, Mama. Just tired I guess.”
“You work too hard,” she clucks her tongue softly and shakes her head looking at Blake sitting across the table from her. “Mi hija, she works too much.”
Lizzie meets my eyes across the table and winks. Sometimes I see glimmers of my sister, the one I lost, and it makes me miss her so much. She was my best friend, I could talk to her about anything, but since the accident I never know what she will blurt out or how she will take things, so I keep secrets that I never would have kept from her before. I smile back at her wishing so much to be able to tell her about the kiss I shared with Blake, to ask her advice. Maybe I will talk to Ana, goodness knows I need to talk to someone about how this man makes me feel.
“She does work too hard,” Blake’s agreement surprises me. How can he know how hard I work? He’s only been around for about a week—has he been keeping an eye on me since that first night? I feel heat rush into my cheeks at the thought that all of this, his kindness, the kiss, everything, is a result of his witnessing the scene with Lawrence. That’s got to be it. How mortifying! It makes sense, I suppose. Why else would he even notice a housekeeper? Let alone kiss one!
The thought makes my stomach churn uncomfortably.
“I don’t work too hard,” I blurt, my voice loud and pitched higher than normal. Three sets of eyes turn toward me, Mom’s and Lizzie’s wide with surprise; of the three of us I’m usually the quietest and hardly anything ruffles my feathers. Blake doesn’t know that about me, but his eyes are narrowed thoughtfully. I can’t shake the feeling that he is seeing something on my face that I’d rather he didn’t see.
“You do,” Mom insists, “and we appreciate everything you do for us.” I know she does, that they do. It’s not their fault that lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and so very alone. That’s on me.
Forcing a lighthearted smile to my face I respond, “Well, thanks to Mr. Cerelli giving me a raise today I should be able to work a little less.”
I knew bringing that up would distract Mama and Lizzie, they immediately break into animated chatter, asking questions and happy exclamations. Blake, not so much. He continues to watch me thoughtfully while sipping the glass of iced tea that Mama served him with dinner, but he doesn’t challenge me. He’s going to though. I can tell.
The news of my raise is enough to distract Mama and I focus on finishing my meal, so the rest of supper is less intense. I’m more relaxed, in part thanks to Blake. He’s attentive to Auggie, even moving him from his booster to sit on his lap when Mom pulls a plate of apple empanadas from the oven where she set them to warm while we ate. Seeing how at ease he is with my nephew, how right he looks with my precious boy on his lap, is enough to make my ovaries explode. How in the world am I supposed to resist this man?
As much as I think I could like him, maybe more than like him, I just don’t see how I could ever fit into his life of travel and adventure. I’m rooted here. In this city, in this neighborhood. In this house. If Mama, Auggie and Lizzie need me there’s no way that I could ever be free to be with someone who’s life isn’t here. It’s best if I chalk the kiss up to a lapse in judgement, for both of us, and try to keep my distance from him.
Settling it in my own mind makes me feel better. Maybe I won’t talk to Ana about it after all. There’s no need, since it won’t be happening again. It can just be my secret, a nice memory to think about when I’m lonely. I realize that I’ve been lost in thought again when Lizzie scoots her chair away from the table and plucks Auggie off Blake’s lap.
“Come on Augs,” she says, “let’s go get you ready for bed.”
“Fly!” he insists, reaching for Blake who grins at him.
“After you get ready for bed,” he tells him and Auggie nods happily, popping his thumb in his mouth. It’s a sure sign he’s getting sleepy.
“You’re very good with him,” Mama observes, “Do you have children? Brothers and sisters?”
He shakes his head no at the same time he shrugs his shoulders, “No kids. I don’t know about siblings,” he admits. “My mother died when I was small and I lived in foster care most of my life.”
His words are bland, without emotion, and that makes my heart break for him, for the little boy he was. Mama feels the same way, I can see it in her eyes. She wants to adopt him
and make him part of our family. To be honest, I want to do the same. Right after I crawl into his lap and hold him close until the emptiness I see leaves his eyes.
No! No! No! I’m not going to think about him that way. We’re barely friends. He’s not my boyfriend. And he’s not going to be. He might already have a girl back wherever he lives. That’s a thought I didn’t have earlier when he was kissing me. Just because he’s here in Vegas alone doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have a girlfriend, or a wife, wherever his home is. Glancing at where his hands rest on the table, one loosely holding his glass, I check for signs of a wedding ring. He’s not wearing one, not that I thought he was, but I had to double check to see if there was a tan line or something. There isn’t.
Mama stands and begins clearing the table and Blake pops the last bite of his empanada in his mouth and rises too, picking up his dishes and mine too.
“I can get that, you don’t have to,” I tell him, rising from my seat. Family clears the table for company in this house, not the other way around.
“You were on your feet all day,” he says thoughtfully. “Sit for a few minutes. I can help your mom.”
“Not that she’ll let you,” Sitting, I mutter at his wide back as he carries his stack of plates to the sink and leans down to whisper something to my mom. Darn him for being so charming and sweet. Mama titters cheerfully and whispers something back to him. I’m glad she’s having a good time. It’s been too long since she’s had a chance to visit with anyone beside us and the people we see at church on Sunday.
Blake is taking off his flannel and setting it aside to help wash the dishes when I slip out of my chair. “I’m going to go check on Lizzie and Auggie,” I say.
“Okay, mija,” Mama says, looking over her shoulder at me. Blake glances back with a smile, his eyes no longer hiding pain, but bright with contentment. My heart stutters and I fight back the urge to walk into his arms and wrap my arms around his narrow waist like I did in my room earlier. Grinding my back teeth together in frustration I stomp out of the kitchen and down the hall to where I can hear my sister’s laughter, mixed with my nephew’s, over the sound of water splashing. Stopping I lean against the wall and lower my face into my hands.
This all feels so normal, like things did before the accident when Dan would help Mama so Lizzie and I could spend time together. Except this time, it isn’t Dan in the kitchen, it’s Blake and he’s not Lizzie’s husband. He’s not mine either, but something about his presence makes me feel like everything is going to be okay again, and that isn’t a feeling I can trust. He’ll be gone soon. I’ve heard that he, Travis and Faye are only here to do some consulting work for Mr. Cerelli, and once that’s finished, I'm sure they’ll be going home.
