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"I, I...can't, I can't, I'm sorry," Chandra said as she gathered her stuff up hurriedly. All around them, co-workers hurried out the door, trying to be polite and not eavesdrop on what was obviously a private conversation. (They'd all just try to get it out of either Ursula or Chandra the next day.)
"Look, I can't remember what I did to make you so mad," Ursula said, "but whatever it is, I'm sorry."
Wrong thing to say. Chandra clutched her handbag convulsively like a gunshot victim, and practically sprinted for the door, with one last "I'm sorry," trailing her out as she left.
Ursula sighed, making her own way to the exit. Whatever it was that had made Chandra mad, it was clearly one of those things that Ursula was expected to not need to be told. Which would only make things more difficult, if (as was the case) Ursula really did have no idea what she'd done wrong. She tried to think back to the last night she and Chandra had spoken...
And decided it must not have anything to do with that night. That night had been perfectly normal, just two good friends having a quiet evening of boring telly and casual conversation. Nothing important, nothing to worry about, and certainly nothing that would cost Ursula a friendship.
Which left Ursula just as confused about Chandra as she was about the dreams, she thought as she got back to her apartment. (Not that the two had anything to do with each other.) It was all just a big mess, a bunch of big messes all tangling together and leaving her strung up in the web of it all. She flipped on the TV angrily, hoping for some sort of distraction.
Instead, her body distracted her from the TV. She sat there on the couch, trying to numb her brain with one reality show or another, but her hand just crept down into the waistband of her trousers. She found that hot, needy crease and slipped a finger inside, hand trapped by the fabric of her pants (couldn't move her hands, just quivered in ecstasy) as she diddled her clit. The television just became a blur of images as her eyes unfocused (staring straight ahead, eyes vacant and empty) and she felt like she was getting closer, like she was almost there, almost remembering the perfect pleasure of the dream...
And as soon as she thought of the dream, she lost it. It was like a gate slamming down in her mind, cutting her off from the memory and the pleasure with it. Ursula almost cried. Her mind couldn't remember the dream, but her pussy certainly could, and it seemed like nothing else would satisfy it. She never stopped being horny now, she wanted to masturbate herself stupid...
Instead, she went to bed.
*****
Ursula thought she remembered the dream that night.
It was right there, all crystal clear as she woke up. She remembered it perfectly, in every vivid, glorious, hot, sexy, wonderful detail. It seemed so silly that she'd ever forgotten it. The knowledge completed her, not just filling the nagging ache that came from not knowing but filling in every missing part of her soul. Ursula reveled in the knowledge, holding it in her mind like it was a tangible object, one that she just wanted to hold forever...
Then she really woke up.
That was almost the last straw. When she realized that she'd just been dreaming that she remembered the dream, Ursula let out a choked sob into her pillow, the despairing cry of a woman close to her breaking point. She looked over at the clock, and even though it was still an hour or so before the alarm would go off, Ursula knew she wouldn't be getting any more sleep that night. She got up wearily, trudged into the shower, and cleaned herself off perfunctorily before slipping on her clothes. At least today she had time to dry her hair before heading off to the tube.
She got to work twenty minutes early, which earned her back some of the goodwill she'd lost yesterday with Andrea, and made another deposit in her friendship bank by promising to buy the first round at the Roving Pony. But the rest of the day passed in a haze, punctuated by moping stares at Chandra's back, bathroom breaks that always seemed to end with her fingers in her snatch, and a dull, grinding headache that aspirin couldn't cure. The pub promised to help with none of that, but at least she could get too drunk to care.
Ursula walked into the Prancing Pony to a round of cheers from eager co-workers; she tried to hide her disappointment on seeing that Chandra wasn't one of them. Instead, she bought a round of drinks and listened politely to the gossip currently circulating through the office (Mrs. Halliday was preggers again, Jakob was schtupping a girl in HR, and something about someone being gay that got stifled rather quickly when she came in earshot.) After a few rounds, she found herself sitting by Andrea.
"Glad you decided to come out here," Andrea said as she took a gulp of stout. "It might not help you with your sleep problems, but at least you can forget them for a while. Shame Chandra didn't make the trip, though. I thought that maybe once you'd forgiven her, she--"
"Me?" Ursula said, trying not to sound bitter. "I've got no problem with Chandra at all! She's the one who's got the problem."
Andrea quirked her eyebrow. "Well, whatever her problem is, you seem to be the one who's not letting it go. I've seen the looks she gives you when you're not watching. She feels terrible about it, Ursie. Whatever 'it' is." Andrea put her hand on Ursula's. "You've been friends forever. Whatever it was she did, is it really worth losing your friendship over?"
Ursula furrowed her brow. "But she didn't do...I mean, I thought she was mad at me, because..." She knew she was babbling even without the worried look that Andrea was giving her, but her head seemed to be coming apart and she couldn't seem to form proper sentences. "If it's her that feels guilty, then...it couldn't have been, I..."
And then Ursula remembered the dream.
*****
"I'm not so sure about this, Chan," Ursula said as she wriggled around on the couch, trying to get comfortable. "I mean, yeah, I did say I was curious, Derren Brown and all that, but you're not exactly a professional, are
you?"
Chandra smiled. "Not to worry, Ursie," she said as she unclipped her necklace, letting the crystal pendant dangle from her hand. "This is an old hobby of mine, I used to do it all the time with my brothers and sisters."
"And I used to give my little brother Chinese burns all the time, but you don't see me offering to demonstrate that to you," Ursula said with a wry grin. All the same, she took a deep breath, inhaling the reassuring scent of spices that always seemed to linger in Chandra's apartment, and let it out.
"Trust me," Chandra said. "You'll love this. It's easy, Ursie. Easier than easy. You don't even need to do anything. Just...hang on." She reached over and pulled Ursula's glasses off. "There. Like I was saying, you don't need to do anything at all. That's what trance is all about, Ursula. Just letting things happen."
She held up the pendant, letting it sway just slightly in her hand as she brought it up just above Ursula's eyeline. "You can just watch the pendant, Ursula, and all you need to do is watch and listen and relax. And that's really just like doing nothing at all. You don't need to do anything to watch the pendant, it's just swinging back and forth right in front of you. You don't need to do anything to listen to my voice, my words just go right into your head as you sit there. You don't need to do anything to relax, Ursula. It just happens all on its own."
Ursula took another long breath. Really, this felt kind of silly. Chandra wasn't really doing anything especially 'hypnotic' to her, she was just talking in a sort of low, mellow tone about relaxing. It did feel nice, and Ursula did feel sort of relaxed listening to her, but that wasn't anything special. It was just soothing, that was all. In a few minutes, she'd tell Chandra it wasn't working, and they'd have a good giggle and order pizza. Once the pendant had stopped sparkling, she'd just have to tell Chandra she couldn't be hypnotized.
"That's right, Ursula," Chandra said. "You're relaxing, and it just happens all on its own. It's like gravity, pulling you down. It's always happening, you don't need to think about it. You're drawn down by my voice, just like the pendant is drawn down by gravity. Always further down, never stopping. Just like you're always relaxing, never stopping. The pendant always dangles down, you always sink down, further and further."
