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“You look like hell,” Bret said.
“You gave me the makeover,” Kai said.
In that moment, both men laughed, and Kai felt the tightness in his chest loosen a little bit. Maybe Bret wasn’t lost to him forever.
Kai looked at Bret for a long beat. He knew he had to take the first step and he knew what that step had to be. It was time for him to stop fighting the inevitable and to stop hoping for miracles. Whether it was his knee or his mind-set or just the fact he was getting older, it didn’t really even matter anymore. Big-wave surfing was too dangerous for him now. He realized that.
“I’m going to quit surfing. The competition will be my last surf. I’ve got this charity. I’ve got to do it for the kids. But after that, I’m done.”
Bret shook his head. “It’ll kill you, you know.”
“It’s my decision to make. Just the one last time. Then at least if I die, the kids have their charity. Probably more people will donate. Just have to do one last run. Then I’m done.”
Bret let out a long sigh. Kai feared Bret might punch him some more. He couldn’t tell what his friend was thinking, as he stayed silent a long while. He took a slow swig of his beer. Then he spoke.
“I get it,” Bret said. “I think you should quit now. While you’re alive. But it’s your life. I get that now. I’m sorry for the...for the beach.” Those words were hard for Bret to say and Kai knew it.
“Nothing to apologize for, man. I deserved it.”
“You did, yes, but I know it was my stuff out there as much as yours. I was beating up on me as much as you.”
“Didn’t feel like it,” Kai joked. Bret smiled ruefully.
“I’m serious, man. I blame myself for that day. I should’ve not towed you out that first time. I knew you weren’t ready, but I did it anyway. I should’ve put my foot down that morning, after I saw you do that practice run, you know, on the tourist beach?”
Kai knew exactly what he was talking about. Bret and he had taken a few early-morning waves to warm up. Kai had thought he’d done pretty well. He’d stayed upright, at least, but clearly Bret had seen through the charade.
“You can’t babysit me. I mean, I made the decision to go out there. I probably wouldn’t have listened and would’ve gone out there on my own. Or found someone else to tow me.”
“That’s what I thought you’d do, so that’s why I went. But I knew you didn’t have any business out there, and I should’ve said something before we went out. But I didn’t. So, Sarah and...” Bret got choked up a little and wasn’t quite able to get out the word baby. “That’s on me as much as you.”
Kai was floored. All this time, Bret had carried the same kind of guilt about that day as Kai did, when it was obvious to Kai that Bret was blameless. Kai shook his head. He should’ve known his friend would take the responsibility. That was exactly the kind of man Bret was.
“No, man,” Kai said. “It was my fault. I put you in harm’s way. It wasn’t your job to convince me not to go. It was my job to man up and admit I’d changed. That my damn knee was useless.” Kai gave his weak knee a hard slap. Bret signaled the bartender for another round and the men sat drinking beer in silence for a few minutes.
“You know, we couldn’t do it forever anyway. At some point or another, we’d both have to quit. We couldn’t have been out there riding waves at seventy.”
Kai laughed and Bret joined in. What a difference a few years made. When they had been in their twenties, neither one of them had even wanted to live to seventy. That had seemed like a death sentence all on its own, but now in their thirties, the idea of going down in a flame of glory on some monstrous wave just didn’t seem so palatable anymore. The dangers of getting older, Kai thought. You got used to living.
“How’s Sarah?” Kai asked at last. “I really want to know. Is she...? Are you two...okay?” This was the question Kai most feared asking. He wasn’t sure if he could take more guilt. What if the miscarriage had spurred on a divorce? What if Bret’s whole life had unraveled after Kai’s stupid mistake?
