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Jun felt a riot of emotions in her chest. Foremost of all was crushing relief that maybe Po would finally be okay, that maybe he’d finally be the happy boy she knew before the tsunami. She met Kai’s eyes and saw the same glee there, too.
But along with the swirl of hope and relief, she also felt the sour sting of jealousy. She wasn’t proud of it, but she felt it nonetheless. Jun was jealous. Jealous that Kai had managed to connect with Po in a profound way she hadn’t. For the briefest of minutes, she felt a little bit of a crack in her foundation. It had always been Po and her against the world, and she’d never thought he’d need anyone else but her, and now, faced with this stark new reality, she fought it with all her might. Was she not enough for Po? Had she been wrong all these years? The thought terrified her so much she didn’t want to consider it for a second. Like a hot pan, she dropped it.
“Wasn’t that amazing?” Kai asked her, eyes brimming with excitement. Part of her agreed, wanted to hug him, but this other part, the darker part, kept her from doing it.
“Next time you want to try something like that, talk to me first, okay?” Jun didn’t like her tone, knew she was overreacting, that she was putting her fear and anger in the wrong place, but she couldn’t help it. Confusion swept Kai’s face, and she knew he didn’t deserve her coldness. “I mean...just next time...”
Kai held up a frustrated hand. “Get your permission. Okay.” Kai shook his head and stalked up the beach.
“Kai...” Jun called after him. Kai stopped and half turned. She wanted to apologize, to tell him she was sorry, but she felt that wall her mother had helped her build go up inside her. “You don’t have to surf today if you don’t want to.”
Kai’s eyes narrowed. “I told Po I would. So I will.”
* * *
NO AMOUNT OF visualization or practice could have prepared Kai for the wind that kicked up just as he was paddling out past the break. His toes dipped in the cold water as he swept his arms into the current, lying flat on top of his board. Sea spray hit his face. He shivered as clouds crowded the blue sky above him, suddenly covering the bright sun. Another island shower was coming, which explained the wind kicking whitecaps over the water and the sudden drop in temperature.
He tried to calm his mind and focus, the way he did in meditation, but he kept coming back to how cold Jun had been on the beach. Po had had a major breakthrough and yet Jun didn’t seem excited about it. He just didn’t understand that woman sometimes. First she didn’t want to get a therapist for Po, and now she seemed angry with him for trying to help. It would have been different if he’d failed, but he’d succeeded. That, he didn’t get. He paddled furiously against the water, which under the cloudy sky had quickly turned dark and murky.
The waves churned, and suddenly the small tourist waves gave way to bigger ones out in the deep. It was one thing to stand with Po in a foot of water, but now, as the waves batted his board, sending him lurching side to side, he questioned whether he was really going to be able to surf, as he’d promised. He glanced behind him and saw the tiny dots of three distant figures—Jun, Aunt Kaimana and Po—and he knew they had their eyes fixed on him, too.
If he’d been alone, he would’ve packed it in, paddled straight back, called it a day, but he’d promised Po, and the boy was watching him. He had to do it. At least Po had had a good day today, he thought. He held on to that thought, bright and shining as he searched the waves rolling in for the one he’d try. He saw a slow one move in and thought that would be it. He turned his board around, preparing to hit it, and as it came upon him, he popped up, just as he had a thousand times in his head during the months visualizing just this scene with Jun. The wave came at him more forcefully than he’d expected. It had looked slow, but now Kai realized his mistake: it had only been gaining momentum the whole time, like a freight train coming over a hill with faulty brakes.
He wobbled on the board, his toes gripping hard as he fought for balance. Po, he thought. I can’t disappoint Po. That little boy had done his part, so Kai had to do his. Even if that meant just staying on his board five minutes. He’d have to go long enough for the boy to see him.
