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“Looks like it’s not the box,” he said. “Must be the main.”
Somehow, having him there looking at her fuses made her feel...taken care of. She realized she didn’t want him to go.
“Can I get you something? A drink?”
Kai hesitated, and right then Jun felt like a fool. He was probably in a hurry to get back to his enormous beach house. Why would he want to stay in her cramped apartment?
“You’re not offering me alcohol, are you?” he teased. “That would be breaking rule number one.”
Jun remembered a beat too late. “Right. No. I mean, I’ve got some tea.”
“Tea would be good,” Kai said.
Jun fumbled for glasses and the pitcher from her dark and powerless fridge. She poured them both iced green pomegranate tea and then she hurried into the living room with hers and took a seat on the couch. Kai followed, sitting on the other end. In the dark, it was hard to tell, but she had another chair in the far corner of the room. Now Jun regretted her seat choice. Her couch was tiny and Kai’s knees nearly touched hers.
They drank tea in silence for a second or two. Then Jun felt as if she needed to say something.
“Kai, I’m sorry about earlier. About...not appreciating what you did with Po.” Kai remained silent, and unable to see his expression, Jun couldn’t gauge his reaction. “I’m used to doing things on my own, and I’m not used to relying on anyone...and, well, I get defensive where I shouldn’t. I know that. I’m glad you helped Po today. You did more for him in an afternoon than I’ve been able to do all year.”
“It was nothing.” Kai’s voice was so casual, so completely self-effacing.
“It was something. I mean, it’s just that. This job, helping Po...all on top of saving his life. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to repay you.”
“You need to stop thanking me.” Kai sighed in frustration. “I didn’t do anything to save Po. It was all just luck. I was there, and he was there. I mean, that’s pretty much it.”
“No.” Jun shook her head. “The preschool teacher told me. She told me that she left on the bus with the other kids. That Po wandered off. That you had come to check on...your cousin? And you volunteered to stay behind and look for him. She left, but you stayed.”
“It was only dumb luck that I found him, Jun. And even then, the water hit, and I only barely got him back inside the day care. And even then it was a bad choice. The water washed us out of the building, straight out the second floor. It was just a miracle he didn’t drown. It was only because he swam so hard and hung on to me so tightly that we stayed together through all that.” Kai made all his effort sound like so little.
“But you were there for him...when...” Jun heard her voice crack with the heaviness of the guilt she’d been carrying for over a year. “When I wasn’t.”
“Hey.” Kai set his glass down on the table. He pulled Jun into his arms and she let him, tears stinging her eyes. As much as she tried to get over the past year, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d failed her boy in a fundamental way.
“On the day when he was the most scared, when he needed me the most, I wasn’t there,” Jun admitted to Kai’s chest. “What kind of mom does that make me?”
“You were at work, trying to provide for him, Jun. You were being a good mom. You can’t be everywhere.”
Jun realized then how she’d longed for someone to tell her that. How she’d been desperate for absolution, for someone to tell her it wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t known the heaviness of the guilt she’d been carrying until that very moment.
“Jun, I’ve never seen anyone else love a child the way you do. You work so hard to give him everything he needs. You’re more like Wonder Woman.”
Lightning flashed outside the window, illuminating the room for a split second. Jun tilted her head up, realizing that she was barely an inch from Kai’s lips. Gratitude poured out of her, a warmth welling up within, and before she knew what she’d planned, she stretched up and kissed him.
