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“Bret and I, well, we were among the first to surf Jaws. He’s been my best friend my whole life. He was the one who first told me I should surf.” Kai swallowed.
Jun nodded, keeping silent as she listened intently.
“We used to do everything together, you know? We practically invented big-wave surfing. We were out there just flying by the seat of our pants for years, trying this new thing that only a handful of surfers—like Laird Hamilton—ever even dreamed of doing. The only reason we came to Jaws was because Bret lived here. He’d moved here to work at some bar, but he thought Jaws was it. He was the one to convince me I had to try surfing it.”
Kai shook his head, as if he was suddenly flooded with memories. Jun took a seat near him. She didn’t say a word, and Kai continued.
“There was no way to practice this stuff, because there were no rules. We made them up as we went. That was back when no surfers ever even dreamed of surfing Jaws or any of the other big waves. Jet Ski towing was a completely new concept.”
Jun tried to imagine it. The first people to surf waves that big. The rush must’ve been immense.
“After the tsunami, it took me some time to recover. But about six months ago, I tried to surf Jaws.” Kai swallowed, and Jun could see the intensity of the memory. “It was as if the wave was personally out to get me. Teach me a lesson.” Kai shook his head. “Bret told me right then I should quit. I didn’t want to listen to him. I couldn’t.” She heard the words catch in Kai’s throat. She could tell he still didn’t like to think about quitting. He still didn’t want to let that possibility in. “I told him I was going back out there, with or without him. And then I went down, and he came after me, and he nearly died doing it.”
Jun sucked in a breath. “Oh, Kai.” She crossed her arms and hugged herself.
“He went to the hospital. Bret’s wife was pregnant at the time and when she heard, she jumped in her car in a panic.” Kai loosened his grip on the bag of frozen corn, letting it fall to his lap. He ground his teeth. “She ran a red light trying to get to the hospital. She was in a car accident and miscarried.”
Kai looked at the bag of veggies in his hand, as if not wanting to meet Jun’s eyes.
“So, is Bret going to beat you up every time you go surfing?”
“Every time I surf Jaws,” Kai said, gently laying the corn on his eye once more.
“He really thinks you should retire.” Jun felt the same way. And now she needed to tell him.
Jun took a deep breath. “I think Bret is right.”
Kai’s face hardened. “What do you mean?”
“I mean...I don’t think you should surf. You need to pull out of the competition.”
“You think I should quit?” Anger flared in his voice as he jumped up and began to pace the living room. “You said all I had to do was meditate.” Kai frowned. “You said the problem was all in my head.”
“I know. But, Kai, some things are out of our grasp. Sometimes it’s better not to fight the universe when it’s trying to send us a clear message.”
“And that message is I’m washed up?” Resentment pinched his face. “You think I’m a loser like everyone else?”
“I don’t think that, Kai.”
“Then why don’t you want me to surf?”
“Because it’s too dangerous...” Because I love you and I don’t want you to die. Because Po and I need you, and you can’t be there for us if you drown. The words she wanted to say clogged up in her throat, bunched together and wouldn’t come out.
“You think I’m too weak. You think I’ll never surf? Is this what you’re telling me, after everything we’ve been through? You’re giving up on me?” She saw hurt flash in his eyes as his voice rose.
“No, Kai, I’m not giving up on you. I—I love you. I need you.” She thought about Po and all the wonderful ways Kai had helped her boy become stronger and better. “Po needs you.” And we won’t have you if you go kill yourself.
“Why would you need a weak cripple?” Thunder raged in Kai’s face. “That’s what you think of me, isn’t it?”
