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“Now,” she said, marching to the door and opening it. Now would be the time for Xavier to tell her he’d try. That he didn’t care about the women on his phone, that all he ever wanted was her. But, instead, he just grabbed his jacket and wallet from the chair in her living room and headed out. She didn’t know what hurt more: the fact that he’d probably go right on out and meet one of his Nost conquests or that he left without a single backward glance.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
XAVIER SAT ON the Brown Line train, which would take him to the Loop, which would mean a quick walk to his condo. The cityscape rushed by outside, a blur of brownstone buildings out his window on the elevated train tracks, as they weaved through buildings toward the Fullerton stop. He thought of the look of hurt and betrayal on Emma’s face and her eyes glassy with unshed tears as he left her apartment and couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt. Yet, why was he the one feeling guilty? He’d been honest about who he was. He didn’t try to hide or lie about anything, and she still ended up hurt anyway.
He shook his head as he stared out the train’s window. He should’ve known the very night he met her that this was a mistake. He knew she’d never done this before, had even been reluctant about trying it, and so he ought to have known she couldn’t handle it. Xavier sat down and scrolled through his Nost app. It was probably for the best. She’d ended what he couldn’t, and it would’ve just led to disaster anyway. Relationships didn’t work. Just ask Sasha.
The train rattled to a stop and a few passengers got off. Then a sexy blonde got on. She wore knee-high black boots with stiletto heels, skintight leggings and a short black leather jacket. Xavier couldn’t help but notice her as she slid down into a seat across from him on the train. She wore heavy smoky makeup and looked like she was headed out somewhere, even though it was only midafternoon. She made eye contact with him, her blue eyes serious in a look that told Xavier she was at minimum not disinterested. He hadn’t shaved, and wore his clothes from last night, but there was no mistaking the fact that she’d noticed him. Then she dug out her phone. Seconds later, his own dinged with an incoming message.
He picked it out of his pocket and saw that the slinky blonde across from him had just sent him a message on Nost.
What’s a fine man like you doing on the Brown Line? She’d written.
When he glanced up, there was no mistaking the look on her face: desire, interest, a decided invitation. It has to be a sign, he thought, a sign that he should try to forget Emma as soon as possible. Xavier smiled at the woman, and she grinned back.
Well, well, well. The universe just delivered a sign that he couldn’t ignore.
* * *
Emma met Sarah that afternoon for a late lunch in Lincoln Square. The small Greek restaurant was half-full, despite the odd hour, though outside the weather had turned decidedly colder and the gray sky matched Emma’s gloomy mood. Fall had arrived, and Emma sat at the table wearing an oversized scarf around her neck, still fighting off the chill outside despite having been inside for fifteen minutes. Then again, she felt like she hadn’t been able to get warm since Xavier left her place that morning. She wondered if she’d ever see him again.
Emma had told Sarah the whole story, ending with Xavier’s abrupt departure.
“It’s all my fault,” Sarah said. “I never should’ve turned you on to Nost. I knew you couldn’t handle it.”
“Exactly! This is all your fault,” Emma moaned, but she didn’t mean it, not really. “No, it’s not, Sarah. You were just trying to get me laid.”
“Well, at least you were successful there.”
Emma sighed and rolled her eyes. “Too successful, actually. He was so good, though. In bed. He said it was because we were strangers, but do you buy that?”
Sarah considered this a moment, her fork paused over the salad she’d ordered. “Maybe. Sometimes. Rarely, actually. I mean, stranger sex can be great but it’s always going to be on the surface. Like simply scratching an itch.” Sarah took a bite of salad and nibbled. “Look, I love a good one-night stand, but nothing beats really knowing a person. The best orgasms happen after you drop the L-bomb.”
Emma raised a skeptical eyebrow. “You’ve told someone you’ve loved them? When?”
“College.” Sarah shrugged and pushed the salad around on her plate. “Since then, I haven’t found anybody else worthy.”
Emma laughed. The hamburger that sat before her was largely untouched. She’d thought she wanted comfort food, but now, faced with it, she’d lost her appetite. She worried it had everything to do with Xavier. “Still, the queen of Nost believes in love.”
