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He raised a weary shoulder. ‘It doesn’t matter. You do everything with your sister. I’m used to it.’
‘You think that but Melissa didn’t see it that way,’ she whispered. ‘We used to do everything together, until I married you. I didn’t realise how lonely she was without me. After I left that message for you to call me back she sat me down and told me she was going to Australia.’
Stefano whistled quietly.
‘She’d been planning it for months. She’d been secretly speaking to Mum and arranging it all. She’d booked her flights, booked the time off work... All she’d been waiting for was the right time to tell me. She picked her moment perfectly, when I was on top of the world with news of the pregnancy to dull the impact of it.’
‘And did it?’
‘Nope.’ She wiped away a tear. ‘We had a huge fight. We said some horrible things to each other. She called me a selfish bitch and she was right—I was. It was all about me and how I felt. See? Selfish. I left her in the hotel and went to the airport and stayed there until I could get a flight back to London in the morning. I didn’t sleep at all. I kept hugging my phone waiting for you to call me back. I was desperate to speak to you. I can’t describe how I felt—on the one hand thrilled and elated that we were going to be parents, a little scared of how you’d react, and devastated at what I perceived as Melissa’s betrayal.’
‘Why were you scared of my reaction?’ he asked hollowly.
She wiped away fresh tears, struggling to keep her voice audible. ‘You’d become so distant. I knew you were angry that I suspected there were other women but I didn’t believe it. I did believe you but when you gave me that promotion and started travelling abroad without me... I thought you were bored of me.’
Stefano’s voice cracked as he said, ‘I promoted you because you were the best person for the job and I knew I could travel abroad leaving my company in the best hands.’
Promoting Anna had been a business decision. Anyone lucky enough to employ her would have done the same. And the time apart had done them good. Had done him good. Being together day and night hadn’t been healthy. He’d expected their marriage to be eventful and fun. He hadn’t expected to want to strip the skin from Anna’s body to discover the secrets of her heart.
That had been dangerous. Unhealthy.
He’d thought some distance was necessary. He hadn’t realised it would feed into her insecurities.
‘I became paranoid. I couldn’t sleep for thinking of all the women who would be flaunting themselves before you, lining themselves up to replace me.’ Her red eyes were huge on his. ‘I was terrified one of them would catch your eye and then the press published those pictures of you. I knew you were telling me the truth but by then I thought it was only a matter of when. I would wake every day wondering if it would be our last, always thinking, Is this the day he meets someone else? Is this the day he tells me we’re over?’
‘Anna, I made a promise to be faithful to you.’
‘No, you promised to tell me if you met someone you wanted to sleep with so I could walk away with my dignity intact.’
‘I kept that promise. I never cheated on you. I never wanted anyone else. I never gave you reason to doubt me.’
‘Stefano, our marriage was based on two things. Sex and work. When you started pulling away from me and leaving me behind it was like you didn’t need me any more. I knew you would never love me but I didn’t think it mattered. I thought it was a good thing, better than having someone say they would love me for ever and then cheat and break my heart.’ She shrugged and gave a choking laugh, then put her hand under her nose and closed her eyes. ‘Oh, the lies we tell ourselves,’ she whispered. ‘I was already in love with you when we married but in total denial about it. What I really wanted was for you to tell me you didn’t need to make that promise. I wanted you to say there would never be anyone else for you but me.’
The spinning in the room had turned into a whirlpool.
How could he have been so blind? So busy running from his own feelings that he’d dismissed Anna’s fears thinking his word alone should be good enough for her.
He was feeling now. Feeling more than he had ever wanted, feelings he’d spent his life escaping from.
‘And then you found Christina in the apartment,’ he stated quietly.
She lifted her knees to wrap her arms around them and rocked forward. ‘I lost my mind. Seeing a beautiful woman in our apartment dressed in my robe; it was my worst nightmare come to life. I wanted to hurt you. I was out of my mind. Truly, I wasn’t thinking straight. What I did in your boardroom... I am so ashamed. I don’t blame you for cutting me off as you did. I brought it on myself.’
Every word that Anna said plunged like a knife into Stefano’s heart. How could she blame herself? This was all on him. If he hadn’t been so full of outraged wounded pride he would have seen something had been seriously wrong with his wife.
But he hadn’t thought of her. He’d thought of only himself.
Eventually he was able to drag out of his frozen throat the question he most feared hearing the answer to. ‘What happened to the baby?’
‘I lost it two days later.’ A huge shudder ran through her and she buried her face in her knees, fresh sobs pouring out of her.
Feeling as if he’d been kicked in the stomach, Stefano pulled her to him. This time he allowed his instincts to take over, wrapping his arms tightly around her, pressing his mouth into her hair, wishing he knew the words that would make everything better and stop the cold agony he knew was consuming them both.
She clutched at his jacket, her tears soaking into his shirt. ‘It was the only thing keeping me going. I know it must sound stupid but I’d pictured our baby. I’d planned its whole life out in my head...’
‘It doesn’t sound stupid at all,’ he cut in. In his mind’s eye he could picture their baby too...
Fresh bile rose swiftly inside him and grabbed at his throat, making his head spin.
