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"No, I will be going home with you tonight. And I will be alone! I'm not playing some game. You know me, games have never been something that I embarked in." Unless he asked me to go with him in which case I hope he can read my mind because I don't think I will be able to think, to speak, to anything.
"Okay, suite yourself. If you're going home, then I'm going to have more fun. I'm going for a shot, do you want to have one or two with me to get some liquid courage flowing?" And there was that smile that Taylor knew and loved.
"Not even close. You know better than that." Shots had never been Taylor's thing. Doing shots to Taylor was similar to having a stomach virus she thought. Either way she'd wind up shit faced, then puke. Wake up in the morning with embarrassment written all over her face and amnesia.
As soon as the door opened again, she mindlessly went searching for him. This time the loud music blaring didn't faze her a bit. She didn't mind that it was like a maze working her way through the endless crowd of people that were either drunk or getting there.
Her body followed close behind Liz, but her eyes searched. Desperately, for the drug her body craved. Him. She just needed one more hit of her Valium and life would be perfect again. For a while anyways.
Taylor could hear Liz ordering her shot of hot damn, ordering her a fresh beer, but she couldn’t think about anything but him. Where had he gone? Did she have the right to even wonder? What was it about him that made her want to stake a claim? Why would he leave? Did she really look that pathetic that he only danced with her to make her feel better, she thought.
While she was playing 50 questions with Liz did someone else catches his eye? That would totally piss her off. No that couldn't be it, she thought.
When she had finally seen every face inside, her searching ended. Go figure. The first time she let her guard down and looked at another man he disappeared. My luck. My life. Full of sorry goodbyes. At least this one happened now instead of later.
The weight of the world was back on her shoulders. Crushing her. She couldn't think straight, couldn't breathe, she needed air before she began to hyperventilate.
"I'm going outside for a bit. Be back." She said calmly. Trying to keep her sour mood hidden.
"Wait I'll come with you."
"Liz, no! Go have fun. I just need some air. I'll be right back. It's nothing. Really. Just let me have this. I need this. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be back." She silently begged Liz to give her this. Turning away she didn't wait for Liz's answer. If she had waited, she knew Liz would have tried to talk her out of it.
"Okay." Taylor could hear the hesitation and she couldn't blame her. If the shoes were reversed she would've been more than likely irritated and hesitant about letting Liz go outside into the dark, cold night alone.
Not to mention, being outside a bar alone, at night, is it really the brightest idea in the world but it was what she needed. If the shoes were reversed. She was the sister. She was the one suffocating in this life that wasn't supposed to be this way. She was the one walking around like an empty vessel.
The cold air felt great against her heated skin. The club was hot, then the dancing and Damien. Who was she kidding, it was all Damien. She leaned her back against the side of the cool brick of the bar, attempting to regain herself and needing the building stability to steady herself.
"You know it's mighty cold out here to be just hanging out." His voice was deep and unexpected startling her.
Her heart jumped at the sound of his voice. Where you been? How did you know I was out here? Why are you out here?
"Are you okay?" He asked the question but his facial expression hadn’t changed at all, Are you even sincere? The minute she thought it, his eyes narrowed, darkened, and demanded an answer.
"I, I'm okay." Oh my God, did I just stutter again! Jesus, can this get any worse. You're doing a piss poor job of hiding. Again his face stiffened. What the hell, is he reading my mind? "What are you doing out here? After all its mighty cold out here as you so wittedly made that observation so clear." Taylor mocked him sarcastically. Throwing his words right back at him playfully. Besides, she really did want to know why he was outside to begin with.
"Looking around." Taylor watched as his eyes studied her face, her mouth, and down her neck. His gaze falling to her breast made her think for second her heart actually stopped. Her nipples which it already puckered from the air, elongated even further.
I should walk away from you but I can't.
"Looking around for what? It's late, it's cold, and there's nobody here but me." Now she wanted answers. After all, he didn’t have a problem with asking her questions. So why should she?
"Deciding what I want for supper. What about you?"
"Getting fresh air. You normally scour the alleys at night looking for your next meal? I mean, why would you do that? It's an alley not the local grocer." Who gives a fuck how he decides what to eat as long as he eats me.
Taylor knew the minute the thought popped into her head, her eyes suddenly looked bugged out and she could have lit the alley with the bright shade she now wore on her cheeks. I can't think like this! This isn’t who I am. What is wrong with me? Taylor scolded herself harshly as she emphasized every word.
"I don't think anything is wrong with you. I think your perfect." He leaned his head towards Taylor and she suddenly was aware that he was going to kiss her. She could feel his lips brush hers. I'm not ready for this yet. I'm broken. Physically, emotionally. I have nothing to offer. Please don't.
His eyes returned to hers as he gave her an inch of space. The space alone caused her to quickly change her mind and she silently begged for him to kiss her. Again, he leaned in, slowly closing the inch of distance. Stop!
"What? What is it?" He looked frustrated, irritated, and flustered.
"I didn't say anything." Taylor was shocked, surprised, and amazed at how entombed to her he was. How did you do that? Did I say it out loud? Taylor thought she must have thought out loud, how else would he have known? She watched as he curved the side of his mouth into a sexy grin.
“Taylor, you want to get out a here?"
