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Kris swallowed the dry lump her insane jealousy put in her throat and offered her roommate a pathetic looking smile. “Fine. This fell off.” She ordered her hands not to shake as she handed the picture to Izzy.
Izzy scanned the picture for a second, and then fixed her gaze on Kris. “That’s my ex, Rachel. I thought I got rid of all our pictures.” She shrugged and tossed the photo on the trash bin next to her bed and turned back toward the laptop. “Guess I was wrong.”
An amazing, tingly relief replaced the jealousy Kris had been feeling. Her lips parted into a full on grin as she glanced between the trash and Izzy.
Without her consent, words started to pour out of her lips. “So you’re a…”
Izzy turned again to look at her, one purple brow raised. “A lesbian? A bisexual? Yes and yes. Are you seriously going to tell me that you didn’t know?”
Izzy’s tone was aggressive and Kris hated that she had evoked that emotion from her best friend. She hated the fact that Izzy must have felt the need to defend herself. Although she had never admitted it, Kris knew the feeling to hide her true sexuality all too well.
When puberty hit and all of her friends started to get boy crazy, Kris realized that the only thing she felt for the boys was envy. She envied them because they could take girls out on dates and hold their hands and kiss their lips. She wanted that, but in Mt. Pleasant girls wore pretty skirts and dated boys. There was no second option.
So she stayed locked deeply in her closet. She forced herself to forget who she really was in hopes that no one else would discover what she was, all the while dreaming of a better life where she could be free to love a girl, hold her hand and take her out on dates without being afraid of discrimination or retaliation.
For the longest time she thought that New York would be that magical place, but seeing how defensive Izzy was made her wonder. Maybe that was, in fact, just a dream. Perhaps where you were and where you were from didn’t matter. Perhaps coming out always meant being ready to defend yourself emotionally and, sometimes, physically.
A tense moment went by as the two girls stared at each other, before Kris reached out to touch Izzy’s arm. “It doesn’t matter to me,” she assured with a smile.
Izzy’s expression softened. She said, “That’s good to know.”
Kris found herself rambling. “I mean, it doesn’t change how I see you at all.”
“Again, good to know.”
Kris knew that was a straight up lie. She had always had her suspicions about Izzy’s sexuality, though Izzy had talked about boys she had slept with in school. But knowing for sure that Izzy was gay changed everything. And the knowledge brought out something in Kris. It was a desire to be like her. And a desire to be with her.
Izzy was a lesbian and no one was chasing her with pitchforks or leaving pig heads on the steps of their dorm, as she knew some of the people from Mt. Pleasant might. She was just a girl who loved girls, and what was wrong with that?
CHAPTER FOUR
The weeks preceding winter break were hell. Their every waking moment had been spent either at their classes or cooped up in their dorm doing homework and studying for finals. When Kris walked back into their room after her last final she couldn’t believe the relief she felt.
“How was it?” Izzy asked, as she stretched her body over the desk to hang the decorative Christmas lights Kris had bought the night before.
Kris dropped her backpack on the floor and went over to help her friend. “It went okay, I think. There was only one question I wasn’t too sure about. How about yours?”
“Aced it,” Izzy said with a toothy grin. “So, not going home to Iowa for the holidays?”
Kris shook her head and finished tacking the last bit of wire to the wall. “No. Between tuition and living expenses my folks are broke. Plane tickets are expensive.”
Kris wouldn’t admit it, but she did have the option of going home for the holidays, but told her folks she had to stay at school instead. After months in New York with Izzy, the mere thought of returning to her old life in Iowa made her sick to her stomach.
Izzy pulled her now bleached-blonde hair into a ponytail and nudged Kris’ shoulder with her own. “Guess you’re stuck with me, then.”
Butterflies fluttered in Kris’ stomach and she couldn’t help the smile that flashed across her lips. She tried to act disinterested when she asked, “You aren’t going home either?”
“Nah. The ‘rents are out of the country and—surprise surprise—they won’t make it back for the holidays.” She plopped into her desk chair and looked up at the lights. “I like them, we should keep them up year round.”
“Works for me.” Kris said with a nod. She stole a glance at Izzy. Though Izzy was smiling on the outside, Kris knew she was disappointed on the inside that she wouldn’t be seeing her parents – the ‘rents Izzy called them – over the holidays. Izzy talked tough, but she was soft as marshmallow on the inside.
As much as it broke Kris’ heart to see how little support Izzy had, she also found herself thrilled by the prospect of spending some quality, alone time with Izzy without worrying about schedules and classes.
Unlike her, Izzy was a social creature and had a hoard of friends. She had constant party invitations and girls and boys were always flirting with her. Kris was pleased that Izzy never flirted back, but inside, privately, she was jealous nonetheless.
More than anything, Kris wanted the opportunity to be alone with Izzy without any distractions. Before she knew it, she found herself saying so.
“Well, it’ll be a good chance for us to hang out without school getting in the way,” Kris said, backing up to stand next to Izzy’s chair. She playfully tussled Izzy’s blonde hair.
