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“That was for my own selfish reasons.” His voice was colder than a winter morning.
“That’s what you say, but I don’t believe you.” I think pity found its way into his heart and changed his mind. But he would never admit it, needing to keep up this cruel façade. “I’m scared of flying, and you always comfort me. When I have a nightmare, you help me get through it. When Dunbar hurt me, you protected me. You have to stick to your word by keeping me, but you certainly don’t want to cause me pain. I think you’re capable of being a good man, but you’re doing everything in your power to prevent that from happening.”
The water streamed down his face, and he didn’t blink as he stared at me. Like a stone wall, he was impossible to decipher. He kept his thoughts hidden from me, adopting his stance of royalty and his countenance of mystery.
He set the bar of soap on the shelf then walked away. He silently dismissed the conversation, ending it right when we were in the middle of it. His usual flirtatious attitude disappeared the second lunch was over, and now the dark and tormented man remained behind. He grabbed a towel on his way and quickly wrapped it around his waist as he walked out, his large feet leaving a trail of footprints across the tile.
My objective was to get him closer to me, but I was certain I only pushed him further away. Sometimes it seemed like we were moving in a positive direction, but then we hit a wall and had to take steps backward. Perhaps Crewe had a heart that was incapable of love.
Or maybe he didn’t have a heart at all.
He was gone for the rest of the evening, long after I finished dinner and got ready for bed. He usually returned to the bedroom after work or after dinner, but he was nowhere in sight. It was nearly midnight, which was the latest he’d ever been out.
I hoped he wasn’t with someone else.
If he ran off to another woman, everything I’d done was for nothing. He was supposed to come to me for comfort, not one of his whores. When a painful throb started in my chest, I did my best to ignore it. I wasn’t jealous. I simply felt defeated that I was nowhere closer to getting out of here.
That I would probably die here.
After midnight, he finally walked inside. I was in bed, so I continued to lie there in the dark, unsure if I wanted him to know I was awake.
He dropped his jacket on the ground, kicked his shoes off, and then stripped off everything else until there were small piles all over the hardwood floor. He usually took the time to place his laundry in the hamper or hang it up for the maids to be dry cleaned.
But he obviously didn’t give a damn tonight.
I always wondered where he kept that transmitter that was linked to my brother’s skull. I never saw it on him or noticed the outline in his pocket. He might keep it hidden away somewhere so I couldn’t intercept it.
So he obviously didn’t trust me.
He would be stupid to do so.
He washed his face and brushed his teeth in the bathroom before he came to bed and slid under the clean sheets. He always slept in the nude, so I assumed that was no different now. He stuck to his side of the massive king bed. We never cuddled while we slept. The only time he’d ever held me was when I had that nightmare a few weeks ago. While he held me and kissed me, that affection was purely sexual. He never offered me anything more tender, except the occasional kiss on the temple that was so rare I couldn’t even recall the last time he did it.
I didn’t want this distance between us. It reminded me of a husband and wife in a loveless marriage that was falling apart. He was out with other women while I slept alone. The only way to fill this void was to crawl on top of him and ride his dick.
I was nearly repulsed by the idea.
If he had been with someone else, he’d just kissed her. His hands had roamed over her naked body as he explored her curves. His cock had just been inside her, hopefully sheathed in a condom, but even if it was, it disgusted me.
I didn’t want to be his sloppy seconds.
But I had no other choice. He had to see me as the woman he adored, the woman he couldn’t get enough of. Most days, I did feel that way. But right now, I felt like a stranger. I felt like I wasn’t even in that bed with him.
