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I close my gaping mouth and fix my expression to hide the disbelief. “Yeah, I’m great, brilliant really.” She has no earthly clue who I am and I love it.
I start to think that if Ellie had a little sister, she would be just like Sydney. Kind, caring, and innocent outwardly but a bit jaded inside. It makes me want to curl my arms around her and protect her from all the fucking bastards out there, the Callum Murray’s of the world. I’m no savior though. I’m a fucked up asshole, no better than Murray when it comes right down to it.
Sydney smiles and continues working on her laptop, perfectly happy to share a table with me and not drill me with questions. It’s been so long since I’ve had companionable silence, that the next time I look at my phone, I realize I’m going to be late to the studio.
“Crap!” I yank down my hat before jumping out of my seat. “I’m going to be late for a meeting. Maybe I’ll see you here again?” I can hope for that, right?
She looks a bit alarmed at the prospect, then her face softens into a shy smile. “Sure, Adam. I’ll be around.”
“Okay, well then… I guess I’ll see you.” Jesus, I’m so pathetic! I rush out of the café, head down with a stupid grin behind my upturned collar.
I get to the studio over thirty minutes late and everyone gives me the hairy eyeball when I enter the room. I recognize the looks on the faces in front of me, the disappointment, the resignation. They think I’m back on the piss again as if it’s as inevitable as the sun rising tomorrow.
“Sorry,” I quickly spit out, removing my coat and hat and tossing them into an empty
chair. “I got caught up at this little café and didn’t realize the time.”
One glance at the guys tells me that they don’t believe a word I say.
“It’s the truth! There was this girl there and she just seemed so… I don’t know, nervous and kind of sweet… So I hung out with her for a little while. Plus, get this, she didn’t recognize me!”
“Bullshit,” Hawke says angrily. “Are we idiots, Adam? You don’t have to make up a fake story about a girl just because you’re hung over and can’t get here in time!” He leaps up and tries to get in my face, but Dax gets between us and puts a huge hand on Hawke’s chest.
“Stop!” Dax shouts. He turns and examines me carefully, taking in my appearance. “He’s telling the truth. You are aren’t you, you stupid prat?” His eyes are shining with amusement.
I can’t help but smile at Dax’s ribbing, plus I’m grateful he’s sticking up for me. “Yeah, I am.”
“What? You can tell just by looking at him?” Hawke asks.
“Of course. He’s been my best mate for twenty years. I think I’d know if he was drinking. No red eyes, no unshaven face, freshly showered…” he turns to Hawke reproachfully, “drinking a cup of coffee from the café he says he was just at.” Dax playfully raises an arm and knocks him on the shoulder. “Missed the cup of coffee in his hand, huh? It kind of gives it away, Hawke.”
Hawke has the decency to look ashamed, and grunts a quiet, “Sorry,” before returning to his seat.
“She really didn’t know who you were?” Gavin asks as he grabs his guitar and slings the strap over his shoulder, settling down in front of his open notebook.
“Really. It was… different. I felt almost normal.” I grin at Gavin and he smiles back. The moment is so familiar, we could almost be back in the abandoned basement in Hackney, scratching out songs that we just knew would make us famous some day.
“Well, good to know there are still girls out there who can take your giant ego down a peg or two by not recognizing you,” he says smiling.
“Sod off,” I joke back, grabbing my own guitar and battered notepad. “Let’s do this, I’m ready.”
And I am ready. Ready to start new; new season, new city, new coffee shop, new songs, new solo album, maybe even a new friend. Who says you can’t start over?
chapter 34
Ellie
“No way!” Gemma shrieks from her seat across the tiny table. “I can’t believe you knew that one!” She tucks a lock of her shiny brown bob behind her ear and picks up her drink.
I laugh along with the other girls who’ve joined us for a girls’ night out at the Red Door Pub. It’s a noisy, entertaining place just around the corner from the hospital.
“Ellie, how did you know that Simon Cowell was offered millions for a Viagra commercial?” my coworker Chelsea asks. “It’s so bloody random.”
Shrugging, I take another sip of my beer. “I just do. I don’t know how I know it, it’s just one of those things you read and it sticks with you.” Actually, Agnes, an older coworker of ours, is obsessed with tabloids and spouts out random snippets to you whenever she gets a chance.
“Whatever,” Gemma chuckles, “you have a scary memory then.”
We clink our glasses together and giggle like schoolgirls. It’s been almost a year since I broke things off with James, and I’m finally feeling like a regular person. I hadn’t realized how controlling and isolating James was until I got out on my own and found that he had been the center of my entire universe. I had no life of my own to fall back on, no confidence that I could take care of myself. Now I have friends. Real friends that I can count on and ring up whenever I feel like a chat. I date, although not very much, but still, at least I’m out there trying.
