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Sydney smirks right back, playfully teasing me. “You never told me who you were either, Adam.”
“Right, I forgot. The only female I’ve ever encountered who didn’t recognize me. It was fucking brilliant!” I grin as I remember her innocence when we first met, how contained and cautious she was.
“Yes, well, I couldn’t let you get a big head thinking you were all that. Someone had to crush that massive ego you have,” she laughs.
Yeah, I’ve got plenty of experience having my ego crushed. Ellie rejecting me by text message comes to mind. “Well, you’re not the first one to crush it, Sydney.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Crap. I didn’t mean to worry her. I wave my hand indifferently. “Don’t worry about it Sweetheart, it’s nothing.”
I change the subject, not wanting to discuss
Ellie, it’s too painful. “So, my question?”
“You didn’t ask me yet, I forgot.” She looks scared, miserable actually.
“Are you alright?” I’m genuinely concerned for her wellbeing. Sydney hasn’t looked well lately, in fact, she’s looked downright depressed. The urge to wrap her up in my arms and protect her flares up stronger than usual.
“I’m fine,” she whispers, clearly lying to spare me her burden.
“I’m not trying to push you Sydney, but I know a lot has happened to you and you seem… I don’t know, really sad lately.”
“I’m coping. As best I can, I guess.” Her glistening eyes meet mine and my heart breaks for her. Something is eating away at this beautiful, sad girl. All I want to do is fix it, make it better for her, but I can’t.
“It doesn’t seem like you are.” I get up and circle the table, crouching down next to her chair. Her small hand fits right in mine as I take it and reassuringly squeeze it. “The spotlight is a bitch Sydney. I know that, I’m sure you know that damn well now too. It can be… suffocating.”
“Yes, it is,” she answers quietly.
“Don’t give up your life for it. You’re strong; you’ve overcome a lot to get here. It’s not worth it to let those bastards destroy you.” I don’t want her to become the hollow shell that I am, used up, thrown out, emotionally ruined.
Sydney takes a shaky breath, her voice wavering as she speaks. “What if it’s not someone that’s destroying you? What if it’s your own memories?”
Fuck. She could be talking about me. We’re going through the same shit even if it’s not literally the same. My memories make me turn to alcohol and an Ellie-look alike for comfort, what are Sydney’s memories making her do? She was hung over the other day when she came to my flat. She isn’t turning to the bottle as well, is she?
“Then you need to be stronger than the past. Embrace it as something that happened. You can’t change it, you can only move on from it. I would know,” I murmur, more to myself than to her.
When I look back up at her, a single tear is making its way down one freckled cheek. Yeah, I’ve felt that way too, we’re kindred spirits, me and her.
“Don’t cry, love.” I reach up and wipe away the tear. The despair in her eyes draws me right in, makes me feel like I have to do something to make her pain lessen. I’d do anything to help her.
My hand is still on the side of her face, gently caressing her cheek. I focus on those glistening eyes and see Ellie there, the desire to comfort nearly overwhelming my senses. I have no fucking clue what possesses me, but I lean in and kiss her, a swirl of emotions confusing the hell out of me as our lips touch.
Sydney stiffens and jumps out of her chair. “I-I’m sorry, I have to g-go.”
Shit! Stupid fucking prat!
“Sydney, I didn’t mean anything. You don’t have to leave. It’s not you. It’s someone else…” I can’t explain to her about Ellie and it’s looking as if she’s not going to let me explain even if I wanted to.
“I can’t stay Adam. I’ll work on the ideas you gave me.” Her voice is shaky, on the edge of losing it.
I can’t let our friendship end this way, because I’m a stupid bastard who let his own misplaced feelings fuck everything up. I grab her arms, holding her in place in front of me. “Look at me.” She won’t meet my insistent stare. “Sydney please!”
She finally gives in and raises her eyes to mine, her lashes wet with tears. Jesus, I’m such a selfish asshole.
“I’m sorry. It was just the moment Sydney, trying to comfort you. I don’t know what I was thinking. It’s, it’s all me, Syd. Some shite I’ve been dealing with back home…” My fucked up heart attempting to hijack my feelings for Ellie and substitute you in her place.
Sydney nods quickly, “I understand Adam. Please let me leave now.” Having no choice, I release her from my hold. She immediately grabs her bag and bolts for the door. “Thank you for dinner. I’ll call you when I’ve finished the designs.”
