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“You don’t have to do this with me,” I tell Ellie for the hundredth time as the car pulls through the gates of the sprawling cemetery in the East End.
She threads her fingers through mine and squeezes my hand reassuringly. “I know, but I want to be here for you. We want to be here for you.”
Our one year-old daughter is asleep in her car seat, her dark hair framing her delicate features. I never thought I’d love anyone as much as I love my wife, but that all changed the minute Sadie was born. She’s the spitting image of Ellie, except for the shock of the dark, almost black hair that she got from me. The day she was born, my heart grew to make room for both of them to fit perfectly inside. My family. The first real family I’ve ever had.
We’re only in the U.K. for a few weeks, preferring to spend most of our time at our New York flat. That’s where we consider home. The one we have here in London, that I bought years ago in an effort to keep roots in the U.K., we gave to Ellie’s mum and her husband as a wedding present. Later today, we promised that we’d come over to celebrate Sadie’s first birthday, even though it was last month.
The driver stops the car in the section of the cemetery where my mother’s grave is located. Just as Ellie had predicted almost two years ago, Danny was arrested and his drug ring was taken down. I hadn’t spoken to him since that day with Dax in the Chinese restaurant, knowing if I had any contact with him after discovering that he hired Callum to attack Ellie, he would be in this cemetery next to my mum.
Ellie pushed me until I agreed to visit Danny in prison while we’re here in the U.K., saying that I would get closure from confronting him face to face. She was right, and not just because it was satisfying to see that pathetic, useless bastard behind bars.
While I was there, shouting at him for hurting El, Danny admitted to me that our mother had passed away a year or so back. Drug overdose. I wasn’t surprised to find out how she died. What surprised me was my utter lack of emotion over learning that she was dead.
“You going to wait in the car with Sadie?” I turn to El. “It’s chilly out there today, Sweetheart.”
Ellie zips up her overcoat and unsnaps the baby’s harness. “We’re a family, Adam. We’re all going together,” she says with an air of finality.
Family. I have a real family. Not a fucked up, abusive, shitty family like the one I grew up with. I have a loving, supportive, perfect family like the one I always wanted. They’re my whole life. They travel with me on tour, support me when I’m struggling, make me happy when I’m down. Everything a family should be.
I lower the partition to speak to the driver and to Duncan, one of the bodyguards I hired to keep my family safe. Even with Danny and Callum in prison, I’m not taking any chances with crazy fans or plain old nutters getting anywhere near my family. I think about my friend Sydney, and how she was attacked by a stalker and the thought makes me shiver.
“Dunc, apparently we’re all going to get out.”
“Sure thing, Mr. Reynolds.” The large man unsnaps his seatbelt and climbs out of the car.
Sadie wakes up when Ellie lifts her out of the seat, and she gives me a toothy grin right before she bops me on the nose with her tiny hand, making my eyes water. I take her from El, holding her in my arms as we exit the car and trek across the damp grass. Duncan stays unobtrusively behind us, leaving a respectful amount of space.
I find my mother’s grave easily, marked by a plain grey headstone that has her name and dates of birth and death on it, nothing else. For a moment, I allow myself to remember the mother I had in bits and pieces, small pockets of normality in between the long stretches of drug use, absence, and prostitution.
Smiling, I recall the time that she bought Danny and me a pair of cheap kites and took us to the park near our flat to fly them. Mine dive-bombed and splintered into pieces on the ground almost immediately and I burst into tears. She hugged me and told me it was okay, because Danny would share his. We ended up having a great day, Danny letting me hold the string after he got the kite up in the air.
I sigh at the memory, wondering what my life would have been like if every day could have been like the day in the park. My daughter chooses that exact moment to clutch my hair in her little fist and pull, hard, giggling as I struggle to loosen her fingers.
“My God she’s strong!” I laugh as Ellie helps me untangle her iron grip.
By the time we separate Sadie from my scalp, we’re all laughing and she’s got a good chunk of my hair in her hand.
I let Ellie carry her back to the car, slipping my hand in my wife’s free one so I can stay connected to the most important people in my life. After we strap Sadie back into her seat, and the car pulls out of the cemetery, Ellie leans over and kisses me.
“Adam…”
I pull back so I can look into the gorgeous face of my wife, her cheeks pink from the cold and her blue eyes flashing with mischief. “Yes Sweetheart?”
“How do you feel about adding to our little family?” I look down and notice that Ellie has her hands splayed out on her still-flat belly.
“Are you trying to tell me something?” I grin, hoping that she’s saying what I think she’s saying.
“What do you think of Lucas if it’s a boy?” Her eyes glitter with a mixture of joy and a hint of sadness.
“You want to name him after your dad?” Ellie nods and blinks away the tears. I gather her in my arms and hold her close, sliding one hand over hers on top of her flat stomach, “I think it’s brilliant. I love you.”
“I love you too,” she whispers.
I finally have everything I ever wanted. My band, my music, my wife, my daughter, a baby on the way… for a poor kid from the East End, everything turned out pretty okay.
chapter 42
Ellie
