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“Dax!”
I stop, looking into one of the small rooms that are used for ‘talent’ to rest up between recording sessions to see who’s shouting. I find Adam leaning just inside the door. “Get your stupid arse in here.” He motions for me to enter.
“Adam,” I rub the back of my neck. “I’m in a really really shitty mood right now, yeah? It’s probably not a good idea—”
He steps into the hall and yanks me inside the room by the wrist, slamming the door behind us.
“Too bad. I was never in the mood for your harassing when I was hung over or acting like a wanker, but you never let up on me. And I have to tell you, I’m grateful for it.”
My eyebrows must shoot up into my hairline I’m so surprised. Adam has never once let on that he appreciates my efforts to keep him sober. All he ever does is call me and the other blokes nags while he starts his whinging.
“You’re grateful?”
Adam folds his arms across his chest, leaning against the wall. “Yep. So, now you know. I actually do hear you when you tell me to get my head together, to man up and quit burying my head in a bottle. I don’t always do what you want, but I know you’re there for me. To pay you back, you’re going to tell me what the hell is going on and let me be there for you.”
My best mate, the one person in the entire world who knows me better than I know myself, is staring at me hopefully, waiting for me to do the one thing I never, ever do… let someone in.
I hate to admit it, but I’m exhausted. Years of being a rock, ignoring my own needs and feelings, putting up a strong front for everyone—it’s fucking killing me. Maybe it’s time to let someone else share the burden. Since it can’t be Kate, it may as well be Adam.
“Fine.” I move past Adam and sit on the small sofa tucked to one side of the room. “It’s about Kate.”
Adam rolls his eyes. “Of course it is. I’m not stupid you know. What happened with her?”
“How did you—?”
“Dax. I’ve known you a long time. Years. More than a decade actually. The only time you get emotional in any way is when you’re thinking about Kate or your dad.”
“I’m not emotional,” I say defensively.
He snorts. “Not in a touchy-feely way, no. More like an ‘I’m so angry I’m going to beat the absolute shite out of you’ way. You only have two settings, icy cold and erupting volcano.”
I bristle at his apt description. “Whatever.”
“Don’t be a big girl’s blouse. We all have our weaknesses.” Adam is grinning. “What happened?”
I tell him what I dreamt this morning. “Kate was being attacked. I couldn’t get to her. Fuck! It was awful mate. To see it, to feel so helpless.”
He nods, swallowing loudly. “Yeah. That would be awful.” His voice wavers as he speaks. I scowl at Adam’s odd response.
“Anyway,” I continue, “I woke up sweating with my heart racing so fast, it was as if it were going to explode in my chest. It felt so real.” I lean over and put my elbows on my knees, running my hands through my hair. “You know my dad and his rules.”
“Yeah. I remember.”
“I refused to break
any of them in the dream. I refused to get upset. I let her think I didn’t give a shit that she was being hurt. It was as if I was the one hurting her. I…” I breathe deeply, wincing when it hitches in my chest. “I didn’t fight for her, defend her. She’s… she’s like fucking family, Adam. And I did nothing.”
Neither of us speaks for a few minutes, digesting what my dream means, if it even means anything.
“Well,” Adam says, nervously rubbing the back of his head, “I’m sure it means that you think you let her down somehow. That you think of yourself as her protector…” he stops, tears welling up in his eyes. Goddamn tears over my dream!
“What is this about?” I snap, standing up to pace the tiny room. The stress has me so wound up I’m ready to burst out of my own skin. The room feels smaller all of a sudden, like I’m being squeezed from all sides.
This must be what the Hulk feels like right before he rips his clothes and turns green. “Why are you all touchy and sensitive? It was my fucking dream! My fucking girl, Adam!”
He turns, snarling at me, his hands gripping his hair in frustration. “She’s not your girl, Dax! You dumped her, or have you forgotten? You had everything and you tossed it, you stupid sod!”
I glare at him, clenching my fists. “Are you trying to pick a fight with me?”
