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He kissed me back, but it wasn’t the impassioned go-up-in-flames kind he’d given me last night. It was tender. Fleeting. Like a kiss goodnight.
“You look almost ridiculously adorable in that hoodie of yours,” he said, tugging at the drawstring along the neck with what I was beginning to think of as his signature smirk. “Though I guess I’m already doomed if whatever you have is catching.”
“Well, I’m afraid whatever cooties I have, you have them now, too.”
“Cooties?” he chuckled, his eyes wide in surprise. “Is that really a thing?”
“Yeah. Like germs. Like when you’re in elementary school and all the boys have cooties? I’m sure if you’re a boy, it’s the girls who have cooties instead.”
“Good to know. I never went to school,” he said, as if this were normal.
“You use awfully proper English for someone so uneducated.”
“Oh, I’m educated. I just grew up with tutors. My brothers and I all did. I was always curious about school, though. I’m actually kind of jealous that you got to go.”
“You had these expensive tutors and I went through the Philadelphia public school system, and you’re jealous of me? Wow,” I said, laughing.
“I guess we all want what we didn’t have,” he said, some of the lightness leaving his eyes. “Or what we can’t have.” He took a deep breath as if resetting himself. “Did this help? Are you feeling better now?”
His inquiry reminded me of all the things I’d been worrying about, all the things that his unanticipated arrival had made fly right out of my head. “Marco, look. I should tell you. David and I…” How did I explain this? “We had sort of a spat this morning. Well, I guess it was more than a spat.”
“
What did he do?” He kept his face neutral, but his tone had become pure venom.
“Nothing. He’s not like that. He’s not abusive or anything. We’re actually really close. But he’s my big brother, you know? He’s protective of me. Maybe even overprotective. And when you came up as the topic of discussion, he got angry.”
Marco went totally stationary. Motionless.
“He’s just so sure that you’re,” I grimaced. “Dangerous. He’s still convinced that you’re this big, bad mobster guy. A criminal. I kept telling him that wasn’t true, but he doesn’t believe me. And last night was so amazing, but I slept late. My mom was feeling bad, but I failed to take care of her, so he had to.”
“Then,” I went on, “somehow, even though I didn’t tell him anything, he figured out that we… Well, he thinks we did more than we did, but—” He put out a hand, palm up.
“First of all, what we do or don’t do is none of your brother’s business,” Marco said, making me feel horrible.
“I know. I’m sorry. I promise I didn’t tell him…”
“Let me finish,” he said, taking back the reins. “I’m not accusing you of anything. What I’m saying is that you’re a grown woman, Kelly. You make your own choices and your own decisions. I enjoyed our time together last night, and if your brother wants to come knocking on my door, that’s his prerogative. But I don’t live my life based on his opinions.”
“I want to be with you, and while I know you can take care of yourself, I’d like you to let me take care of you, too, when you need it,” he continued. “If that’s not going to sit well with you, I’ll accept it. But I’m done pretending I don’t desire you. I can’t do it anymore. I’d like to take more steps forward with you, and I’m open to whatever you think those steps should be.”
He pushed my hair behind my ear. “If you don’t want to repeat what we did last night, I’ll understand. If you don’t want me to come over here again, I’ll understand that, too. But don’t make it about your brother. Make it about you. Hell, I’ll even sell Organic Eats and leave you alone if that’s what you really want. But only if that’s what you want, okay?”
“But what if what I want scares me?” I asked him, feeling desperate now.
“Then you have to decide what scares you more,” he answered, his dark eyes fathomless. “Getting what you want. Or not getting it.”
With that he shifted, and I pushed myself off his lap. He stood, leaned over and kissed the top of my head. Then he gathered his coat and left, quietly shutting the door behind him.
16
Marco
I’d made it halfway across the pathetic little patch of brown grass that served as the Carr’s lawn when Kelly caught up to me.
“Marco, I…” she paused, her face a picture of indecision.
I may not like that she felt obligated to follow the dictates of her family—especially her brother’s demands—but I understood. In a way, I’d done the same. When he’d been alive, many of my decisions had been at the behest of my father. Being a Varasso had always meant parts of my life had been mandated, set in stone.
