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My eyes flutter closed and a tear falls down my cheek.
I’m sorry, Elsa. I won’t keep my promise.
29
Elsa
I listen to Aiden’s retelling of that day.
Every word and every sentence is like being stabbed in the gut. It’s like being cut open and left bleeding on the ground beneath us. It’s like being in the middle of an earthquake, buried alive.
We sit side by side on the cold ground without touching. Aiden hasn’t looked at me once since he started talking.
His gaze is lost in the distance as if he’s seeing the events play out in front of him. As if my mother is right there, whipping a small child until he bled and passed out.
He’s watching the corner as if he can see himself; weak, small, and defenceless.
The moment he stopped talking, heavy silence engulfs the room.
Frightening silence.
Earth-shattering silence.
I pull my knees to my chest and resist the urge to hide and cry.
I won’t do that.
This is Aiden’s memory, not mine. He was the one who suffered, not me.
I turn away from him because I know I won’t be able to hold on for long, and I don’t want him to see me breaking.
“Then what happened?” I ask in a small voice.
“That part belongs to you,” he says. “I won’t force you to remember.”
“Okay.” A long breath heaves out of my lungs. “Okay,” I repeat because apparently, my mind is caught in a loop.
“Elsa?”
I’m still facing away from him, so my expression isn’t visible. Is there a way to dig a hole to bury myself in?
“What is it, sweetheart?”
My chest thunders with explosions and sparks when he calls me that. How can he call me that after what happened? How can he look at my face, let alone be with me when I’m so much like her?
His tormentor.
His torturer.
“Elsa, look at me.”
“I can’t. I just can’t, Aiden.” I choke on the words. “What if you eventually hate me? What if one day you wake up and realise you’re sleeping next to a monster?”
“That will never fucking happen.”
“How do you know that? How can you be so sure?”
“Look at me,” he repeats, but this time it’s a low, deep order.
