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If it means letting everything go, then so fucking be it.
16
Elsa
I tie my damp hair back then button my jacket.
My movements are mechanical at best. Knox said he’ll take me and Teal to some film, but I can’t muster excitement about it.
I enjoy their company more than anything else. Being back under my father’s wing has given me a sense of comfort I haven’t felt in ten years.
Dinner time with Dad, Agnus, Knox, and Teal feels familial, and I’m thankful to have them as a family.
However, something is missing.
At times, I’m certain it’s about the past and what I erased from my memory. But the truth is, that’s not the only reason.
Even when I laugh and smile and act completely normal, I can still sense the void inside. The terrifying hollowness. It echoes through my empty chest like an old rusty bell.
It hurts.
It really fucking hurts.
The worst part is that I can’t even talk about it to anyone. They’d think I’m broken beyond repair. They’ll think I’m crazy for tossing and turning all night thinking about the one person I shouldn’t be thinking about.
I suck in a deep breath.
You can do this, Elsa. You’re strong.
I throw the backpack over my shoulder and step outside.
My feet falter near the door.
Aiden and Silver stand together, appearing deep in conversation.
My lips tremble. The void in my chest claws louder and harder like a trapped animal. That animal needs out. That animal will rip my heart open, run over to them, and shred that scene apart.
Stop. I scream at myself. It’s over, remember? They’re engaged. You’re nothing.
Even as I tell myself this, I can barely fight off tears. God, maybe I shouldn’t have returned to RES after all.
I don’t think I can see them like this for the rest of the year and pretend I’m okay.
My armour has already cracked, and it’ll continue to crumble the more I witness such scenes.
I close my eyes for the briefest second.
I can do this.
I’ll walk past them with my head held high and pretend they don’t exist.
My footsteps are forceful, to say the least, but I jut my chin upwards as I stride in the direction of the exit.
I’m strong. I’m strong. I’m strong...
Their chatter comes to a halt as I march past them. A strong hand wraps around my arm, stopping me in my tracks.
Goosebumps erupt over my skin and my entire body explodes with static.
