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“I’ll do it.” My voice is brittle. “I’ll do it, Mum.”
She doesn’t even look back. I stopped expecting my mum to glance back at me, acknowledge me, see me.
I know I should stop asking for her attention by now, but the small child in me won’t let go.
With one final glimpse at the scale, I step outside.
Moisture pools in my eyes as I search for my keys on the counter.
For Kir. All of this is for Kir.
The fog won’t get to me. Not today, not tomorrow. Not until Kir is all grown up and can handle himself.
“Where are the stupid keys?” I groan in frustration, fighting the need to crawl into a dark corner and allow those morbid thoughts in.
They would devour me in no time and the next thing, I’ll be in the bathroom and –
“They’re in your hands, Kim.” Marian’s soft voice wrenches me out of my thoughts.
“Oh.” I stare at her kind face with a faint smile, then back to the keys which are, indeed, dangling from my pinkie. “Thanks, Mari.”
“Anytime, honey.” She smiles a little. “What do you want for dinner?”
“Broccoli and a small portion of mac and cheese for Kir.”
“How about you?”
“Salad – actually, forget about it. I’ll grab something on the way.”
I won’t.
This will be another day without dinner. It’s harder to vomit my food at night. It leaves me jittery with a stomachache and the inability to sleep, and if I can’t sleep, that fog will eat me in a matter of seconds.
After bidding Mari goodbye, I step outside, plastering a smile on my face. No matter what happens between me and Mum, Kirian can’t and will never find out about it. Not that he doesn’t suspect it, but I want to protect him as much as I can.
My smile falls when I find him dragging Xander by the hand from across the street. The freaking boy next door appears. His sun-kissed hair is tousled, bedroom style. His white hoodie contrasts against his tanned skin and his black jeans hang low on his hips as if Kir found him in bed and he barely had the time to button his clothes.
Shit. I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the exact case. Kirian has free access to the Knight’s mansion – sort of like I did in the past. Ahmed opens the door for him, even if no one is at home. Lewis always dotes on him and the shit, Xander, treats him well.
“Hold on, Superman.” Xander rubs his fingers through his hair as if submitting it, but it’s only making it hotter.
Wait. No. There’s nothing hot about Xander.
My blood still boils from the way he called me a slut earlier. How he said he’ll make me watch as he fucks other girls.
Screw him a million times over and all the other girls he screws.
A prickling sensation has been digging at my skin since he said those words. I meant it, though – he’s the last person I would ever want.
I might have been stupid enough to wait and hope for his forgiveness once upon a time, but now, he’s just the boy next door.
The arsehole who lives across from me.
“You said you’ll help, Xan.”
“Of course.”
Kir wraps both his small hands around Xan’s bigger one, tugging him in my direction. “Kimmy is with Mum. You have to bring her out.”
