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The fact that Xander is the only one who sees me but is disgusted with what he sees is a different type of pain altogether.
The most crippling one.
The one therapists can’t find a cure for.
I wish Dad were here so I could hug him. Since I was little, he’s always made me feel safe and protected with a simple hug.
And calling me his Angel.
“He doesn’t look at you like he’s disgusted with you, Kimmy.”
“He doesn’t look at me. Full stop.”
“Are you blind? You’re the only one he looks at when he thinks no one is watching. He’s perfected it so well, even you don’t notice him.”
“R-really?”
He places a hand on his chest. “I swear on my honour. Wait, I don’t have that. I swear on my sacred stash of weed.”
I laugh, abandoning the salad container. I’m not going to eat anyway, so I might as well stop with the pretence.
“There.” He grins. “I knew you’d smile.”
“You’re so daft.”
“Daft with a big dick, Kimmy. It makes a difference.”
“Yeah, right.”
“I mean it.” He turns around so he’s fully facing me. “For instance, I could have threesomes with you and Ellie all night long. Which brings us to my part of the deal. Both of you need to wear bunny outfits. Nash said you could definitely wear one when you’re drunk, and he knows his shit. I’ll get you all the tequila you like. The problem’s with Ellie; we need to convince her somehow. Does she have any dark fantasies we can explore?”
I laugh at the way he’s talking. I’ve never seen Ro so serious about such a hypothetical situation in my life. I hate to kill his fun, though, so I go with it.
“I’m afraid Elsa’s dark fantasy is everything Aiden.”
“Putain.” He rubs his jaw. “I can still spike whatever he’s drinking and have him there in body, but not mind. Think about the epic expression on his face when he wakes up to find Ellie with us.”
His eyes gleam with a rare type of sadistic mischievousness. Ronan might be the most playful and easygoing out of the horsemen, but I’m beginning to think he has his secret tendencies, too.
Those who hide their real selves with humour are the most cunning.
“He’d kill you, though, and I don’t want you dead, Ro.”
He wraps an arm around my shoulder and pats his chest. “You’re the first one to ever say that to me.”
“I am?”
“Marry me, Kimmy. And before you say anything, I have an aristocratic title and a fortune that will sustain our fourth generation. I promise satisfying sex and threesomes. Lots of threesomes.”
I laugh and the sound is relaxed compared to my earlier state of mind. “Maybe you should start looking for someone else other than Elsa. Just in case.”
“You mean instead of spiking King’s food?”
“And the fact that he’ll murder you in cold blood.”
He pouts. “But I have none other than you two on my mind.”
My gaze strays ahead and I spot Teal coming from the school’s direction to the garden. Upon seeing us, she turns around like a robot and marches back inside.
