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I’d enjoyed every second of it, but now the guilt reached me.
Did I really hurt her?
Did she not enjoy it at all?
Why did I care?
I shouldn’t care.
I closed my eyes and tried to sleep again.
All I did was lie there for another thirty minutes. My mind wandered to work, my mother, and then it came back to Siena again—along with the nagging guilt.
I finally gave up and got out of bed.
I pulled on my sweatpants and walked to her bedroom down the hall. It was late so she might be asleep. If she was, I would just leave. I opened the door quietly then poked my head inside.
She wasn’t in bed.
I stepped inside and spotted her sitting on the couch while the glow of the TV hit her. She was staring at the phone I’d given her, reading something on the screen. She seemed fine on the outside, but she must not be if she was still awake.
I walked into the room and announced my presence so she wouldn’t be scared. “It’s me.”
She didn’t jolt upright at my unexpected entrance. She set her phone on her lap then looked up at me, indifference in her gaze. “Can I help you? It’s almost midnight.”
I sat on the couch beside her and saw the news on the screen. It was on mute. She was probably watching something else until the show ended and the news came on next. She didn’t seem like someone who cared much about events around the globe. “Why are you still awake?”
“Couldn’t sleep. You?”
“Me neither.”
Her makeup was gone, and she was in her little shorts and her tank top. Even when she was tired, she was stunning. The woman didn’t have to do anything to be beautiful. She was all natural. Whether she gave me a son or daughter, they would be gorgeous. She looked at me for a few seconds before she looked at the TV again.
“Are you alright?”
Her eyes darted back to me. “Do I not look alright?”
“You left before I got out of the shower.”
“Weren’t you going to kick me out like last time?”
I didn’t give her an answer.
“You’re just here because you feel guilty. You feel guilty for hurting me. Like I said, Cato, you aren’t the bad man you pretend to be. At least not with me. And that’s not a bad thing…if you would just admit it.”
Never. “Did I hurt you?”
“At the time. It took a few hours for the pain to subside.”
The high I felt earlier didn’t return when I heard that admission. “Did you enjoy it at all?”
“No,” she said honestly. “Would you enjoy something that big in your ass?”
I tried not to smile at her sarcasm. “I warned you.”
“Well, I guess I didn’t understand what it would be like.”
“It was your first time. It always hurts your first time.”
“Well, there won’t be a second.” She pulled her knees to her chest then looked at the TV again.
“It takes practice. Don’t swear it off completely.”
She turned back to me, her eyebrow raised. “You really think I’m gonna let you fuck me in the ass again?”
“I don’t think you’re in a position to let me do anything.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m not afraid of you.”
I wanted to tell her she should be, but I couldn’t. I was sitting on the couch beside her because I cared about her. Somehow, I always wound up in this position. I always wound up checking on her. “I want to ask you something. And for once, I want the honest truth.”
Siena pivoted her body and faced me, ignoring the TV altogether. She wore a serious expression as she held my gaze. “Alright.”
“What do you want from me?”
“I don’t understand the question.”
“It’s not complicated.” I leaned back against the couch and stared at her, the light from the TV giving her a gorgeous glow. “If you could have it your way, what would you want? If you could leave and go home, would you still want me? Would you keep the baby? What would happen?”
Her eyes shifted back and forth slightly as she looked at me, considering the question. The silence passed and filled the space between us. Her eyes flicked down for a second as she tightened her ponytail. “Even after everything that’s happened, I would still want to see you, Cato. I’m not just throwing myself at you in the hope you don’t kill me. I’m doing it because I genuinely want you. You think I would touch myself with your come if I weren’t insanely attracted to you?”
My neck felt hot just thinking about that moment. “And the baby?”
“Of course, I would keep the baby. I didn’t get pregnant on purpose, Cato. It was just a rare…miracle.”
“Miracle? That’s how you describe it?” It was a nuisance to me.
“In a heartbeat,” she said seriously. “I’ve always wanted a family. I didn’t want a family like this, but I wanted a man who wanted to be a father…and that’s you.”
