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I should wait until she was ready, but for a man like me, that was easier said than done. I was used to getting what I wanted by demand. I never had to work for a woman’s affection or earn her forgiveness.
But that was because none of those women were real.
Siena hated me for who I was—but she somehow loved me too.
Her love was real. Her affection was real. And her lovemaking was real.
Fuck, I missed her.
She was down the hall in her old bedroom, my daughter with her. It was still early in the evening, so she was probably awake.
I’d considered stopping by for a visit, just to test the waters. I continued to give her the space she asked for to prove my sincerity, but as the days passed, the loneliness killed me. It seemed like I’d lost her all over again, like she was back in France, even though she was just down the hall.
When I couldn’t fight it anymore, I threw back the covers and marched to her bedroom.
She sat up in bed reading a book while Martina slept beside her, wearing a blue onesie. She was sound asleep and not affected by the lamp on the bedside table. Siena lifted her gaze to look at me, and this time, I wasn’t met with the same hostility. It was much dimmer now, like simmering coals of a dying fire. “Did you need something?”
“You.” I approached the bed in my boxers and looked down at my daughter, who was even more beautiful when she was asleep. I spent time with Martina when I got home from work, but it wasn’t the same as it was when the three of us were together. Even if we weren’t talking, just being together was good enough.
She closed the book and rested it on her lap. “You know it’ll be a few weeks before—”
“That’s not what I mean. I just want you…I miss you.” I went from being a playboy to a one-woman kind of man. Now my affection for this woman fueled my entire existence. While she was in another room, I could easily watch porn without her knowing about it. Or when I was at work, I could skip off and fuck someone else. Even if I could get away with any of those things, I never wanted to. This was the only woman I wanted. “I miss both of you.”
“How am I supposed to fix that?”
“Let me sleep with you.” I used to force her into her own bedroom because I didn’t want to share my space—or my heart. But now I was used to having her beside me. I was used to that quiet breathing, her perfume, and knowing I was always there if she needed me.
She debated her answer silently, like she still wasn’t ready to be what we were. It would take time to earn back her trust, if I ever did. It would take time to earn her affection. But I hoped I wouldn’t have to earn back her love. “Alright.”
It was the first time I’d had to beg a woman to sleep with me.
I moved to the other side of the bed and got under the covers, careful not to wake Martina. She was close to Siena, so I was able to slip into the bed without shifting the mattress too much.
Siena opened her book again.
I turned on my side and watched her read while Martina was oblivious to my presence. Now that I had these girls in my life, I truly understood how lonely I’d been before, how empty that existence had been. It was night after night of good sex, but the memory didn’t last long before it was replaced by another. There was no substance to it, only bragging rights. “You were right about everything you said to me all those months ago… That’s why I stayed. That’s why the others faded away.”
She kept her book on her stomach but turned to look at me.
“You looked past my image and saw all the emptiness behind it. When other people see success, money, sex, you see the truth—loneliness, despair, emptiness. You knew I had everything, but I also had nothing. I couldn’t get angry about that because I knew you were right. You saw me for who I really was—and I was never the same.”
She held my gaze, the emotion lingering under the surface.
“You made me a better man, Siena. It’s taken a while for it to kick in…but you have.”
A slight smile stretched over her lips as she closed the book she was reading. She set it on the nightstand and turned off the lamp before she got comfortable next to me, turning on her side so she could face me. “It’s baby. Call me baby.”
We weren’t back to normal, but at least things were better than they were before. She moved her stuff back into my bedroom and resumed sleeping with me every night. She started to put Martina in her crib and listen to her cry for an hour without retrieving her.
