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He uses the knife to cut it into small pieces, but he doesn’t use the fork to feed me. No, he goes with his bare hands. Every time he slips something in my mouth, his lean, masculine fingers scrape against my skin, and a shiver overtakes me.
It’s like we’re back to the days when we used to have breakfast together as he wrenched one orgasm out of me after another.
I hate that I’m thinking about it.
I hate that it feels weird to not sit on his lap like usual.
Snap out of it, Aurora.
The food melts in my mouth before I’m even able to chew properly. My stomach stops making sounds as Jonathan fills it with everything on the plate.
He keeps feeding me, and I keep eating. I tell myself it’s to get my strength back, but each time his fingers brush against my skin, I shudder.
“Is it because of the attack?” His cool voice drifts around me like a lullaby.
What? A lullaby? Jonathan? This must be the lack of sleep talking. Jonathan and lullabies are as far apart as they could be.
I continue chewing on a piece of egg to give me an excuse to not speak. My hands lie limp on my lap as if they don’t know what to do. Usually, they would be picking food while Jonathan’s fingers are busy with other parts of my body.
The balance is off, and the fact that it’ll never be the same again fills me with a sudden sense of grief.
“Or is it Maxim’s interview?”
My blood runs cold at that, and I stop chewing for a second before resuming. Of course, Jonathan doesn’t miss it.
“I assume it’s both.” He cocks his head to the side. “Do you think you’re eligible to have another rebirth to escape this?”
I clamp my lips shut.
“You cannot have a rebirth when you didn’t finish the first one, Aurora.”
My voice is calm, considering my internal mess. “What do you know about rebirths when you were born with a silver spoon hanging from your mouth?”
He scoffs. Jonathan scoffs. The entire motion is so weird that I take some time to commit it to memory. “If anyone here was born with a silver spoon, it’s you, wild one. Just because that spoon was snatched from your mouth in your teens doesn’t mean it wasn’t always there. Maxim gave you everything you wanted, didn’t he? You were his spoiled little princess.”
“Stop it.”
“That’s why you failed your rebirth, Aurora,” he continues as if I haven’t said a word. “You can’t be reborn if you still can’t get out of his shadow.”
“I am not in his shadow.”
“It looks that way, though. What did I tell you about how he’ll reappear? That he doesn’t like being forgotten. Are you that surprised he’s dragging you with him? It’s his way to retaliate for what you did eleven years ago, and if you keep giving him leverage, he won’t hesitate to use it against you.”
His words have the impact of a natural disaster. Sudden and wreaking. It’s not that I haven’t thought of it that way before, it’s that I always thought I’d escape my dad. That I don’t live in the shadow he cast over my life.
That’s why I changed everything we used to do together. I even dyed my hair blonde at some point, and I hate the blonde me. She was a coward and a thief who jumped from motel rooms.
“How about you?” My voice is steady but low in volume.
He pauses cutting an avocado. It’s been secretly becoming my favourite new food. “Me?”
“If I keep giving you leverage, won’t you also use it against me?”
“I don’t want to, but I will if you force me.”
“Me? Force you? You’re the one who’s forcing me right now.”
“Keep your voice down.”
