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But Sebastian will never forgive me. It’s too much to forgive. There is no chance at more. In less than two weeks, this ends as planned. The most I can hope for is that he never finds out the truth and that he can think back to our time together with some small joy. Despite how we got together, he has become more than that. He has become my everything.
“I’m sorry—I shouldn’t have said that,” Sebastian finally says, and he pulls me into his bare chest.
“No, you shouldn’t have.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too. If I were looking for a husband, I would choose you. I’m just not looking. That’s not what I want.”
“I understand.” His voice is firm and strong, but there is an undertone of confusion beneath his strength. Inside, he wants more. So much more.
After we speak, everything shifts once again. Gone is the lust and charge between us. Now we are just two empty vessels headed toward the end. And our end was never supposed to end in happily ever after. Our end is just that—an end.
I can’t think about what that will mean, though. Hopefully, tomorrow we can go back to some level of normalcy so that we can enjoy our final two weeks. But if not, then I’ll remember tonight forever.
We both get dressed and climb into the bed.
“I don’t want this to change, yet,” I say.
“It won’t.” Sebastian pulls me onto his chest as he snuggles with me.
He says things won’t change, but it has. Usually, he would have fucked me again, feeding his addiction of me, but it seems he’s trying to wean off me already.
It’s for the best.
Twenty minutes later, Sebastian is snoring, and I’m still wide awake, thinking about all the things I have to do. All the things I have to fix before our time is up so Sebastian doesn’t get hurt.
But all I can think about is how badly my heart is breaking. Is his breaking too?
I know my eyes aren’t going to close. I want to remember every moment of our time together. I’ll sleep when he’s at work tomorrow.
I run my hand through his gorgeous thick hair. “I’m so sorry, Sebastian. So sorry…I ruined everything.”
A tear spills from my eye and lands on his cheek.
“I love you. And in a different world, I would stay married to you, and it would be more real than any other love in the world. But I fucked up, and now I’m just going to have to love you from afar.”
37
Sebastian
I hold Millie’s wedding ring as I sit on the couch. She’s currently in the shower getting ready to go over to Kade and Larkyn’s tonight. It’s Larkyn’s birthday, and Kade is throwing her a big party.
It’s supposed to be the night where we fake a fight and tell everyone how miserable we are together. Then Millie will ask Oaklee if she can stay with her tonight. They will have a pity party and talk about how horrible their men are, and then eventually, one of us will file for divorce, and that will be that.
That’s how everything is supposed to go. That’s been the plan all this time—for six months now.
And yet, these last two weeks have been the hardest of my life. Every moment has been moving toward today. And as much as I applied the breaks, swerved, done everything I could to stop us, to slow down time, nothing has worked.
To make matters worse, Millie won’t talk to me at all about us except to plan today.
She’s afraid—and I can understand why. Her ex is a piece of work. The more my private investigator looked into him, the more criminal charges he dug up. I can understand why she’s afraid to enter a real relationship again.
But that’s what we’ve been doing for months now. I can’t remember the last time I did pretend with her. I can’t remember ever pretending. Every moment with Millie has felt real.
I twist Millie’s ring around on my pinky finger, examining it. I wish it would jog my memory. I wish I would remember where I got the ring. I wish I could remember our wedding night. Maybe it’s for the best, though. Because if I remembered that night, things might not have led me here.
I’m supposed to pretend we are bickering and fighting. But I can’t, no matter how hard I try. Millie doesn’t want to talk to me. She doesn’t trust me. She doesn’t trust that I love her. She doesn’t trust that this is real. So I’ll just have to show her how real we really are.
