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Closer.
Closer.
Until I’m bursting with my decision. And yet, I still deny myself, deny us.
I lean back; I need to stop kissing Langston. I need to think straight before I make
this decision.
“Is something wrong?”
Everything—everything is wrong.
I can’t ask the question I really want. But sitting on Langston’s lap, feeling the way I do, I feel like I don’t need him to answer to know what I want—something I never thought I’d ever get.
“I choose you,” I say.
Langston stares into my eyes, not understanding that I’m on the brink of a decision that will change both of our lives.
I always thought I hated Langston. I thought he hated me.
He chose to marry another. And I said yes to a fiancé.
We have both made threats and mistakes that have destroyed the other’s life.
But none of that matters.
We could die tonight, tomorrow, next week, and all I can think is that I want Langston. I want him despite all the pain and heartbreak—whether it makes me a cheater and whore. No matter if I’m wrong and we are still enemies. If Langston still threatens my life after this night. If my heart completely breaks. Nothing will matter, because I will have had tonight.
“And I choose you,” he says, before kissing my bottom lip tenderly, and falling back again with a sigh. He thinks our night is done and we should snuggle off together in bed. He doesn’t know what I’m thinking. He doesn’t realize that our words are as good as an ‘I love you.’
“Fuck me, Langston.”
His mouth falls open, just an inch, and his pupils dilate. “I don’t think I heard you right.”
“You did.”
“Why…I mean, are you sure?”
“Yes, I’ve wanted you since I was sixteen. I never thought it would happen. The amount of hate, heartache, and pain we’ve caused each other almost ensured we never would, but if I’m going to die, I’d rather die knowing whether you are the worst or best fuck of my life.”
He smiles. “Definitely the best. But I’ve got you beat; I wanted this since I was fifteen.”
He grabs the back of my neck and pulls me to his lips, kissing me hard and hungrily on every spot of my lips as his tongue dances with mine. I’m so turned on from kissing him that I’m afraid I’m going to explode the second he enters me.
But then he pulls away, and I’m afraid he’s changed his mind.
“Why are you frowning?” he asks, as he runs his thumb across my bottom lip.
“I’m afraid you’re going to remember you’re married, that you have a life waiting for you, that you hate me and are going to stop this.”
He shakes his head. “My marriage means nothing, but if you need me to file for divorce, I will.” He searches my eyes before continuing. “And I’ve never wanted anything more. I never thought you’d say yes, so I’ve never asked. But you don’t ever have to doubt how much I want this. It probably won’t change anything between us…” He kisses my ear, running his tongue lazily around it.
I shiver.
Then he continues. “But then again, it could change everything.”
I catch my breath as his words put any doubt behind me. Things may end badly, I may become jealous or angry, but I won’t regret this.
