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My eyes bulge as I realize Kai is next to me, gulping for air. She’s not getting enough oxygen. And then she begins floating down, under the water.
Before I think, I’m next to her. Pulling her body up, above the waves. She keeps opening her mouth, trying to catch her breath, but it’s not enough.
Kai’s body is colder than usual, her throat has a bruise where my hand once squeezed too hard around her precious neck, and her body is limp in my hands.
Shit.
She’s going to die.
But that’s what I want.
She’s supposed to die.
I open her mouth and place mine over hers, giving her a breath. It’s not enough.
I squeeze hard around her stomach just under her chest. Over and over I press until finally, the water expels from her lungs.
She coughs and then shivers. Her body is trying to survive in the cold water that threatens to take her life as I did.
“Shh, Kai. I’ve got you.” I hold her against my heated body, trying to offset her temperature.
She lets me hold her. She shouldn’t. She should never trust me, but she does. Or she realizes she doesn’t have a choice but to accept my help for the moment, until her body regains its strength.
Her head rests against my shoulder, and her body shakes viciously trying to get warm. I continue treading water, keeping us alive.
I shouldn’t be doing this.
I should let her die.
But I don’t think about my responsibilities.
I don’t think about what I’m going to do after I keep her alive.
But holding her in the cool water makes my heart speed up. I don’t know what my heart is doing. It’s never beat so swiftly before. Never pounded in my chest before her.
My body never reacts to its surroundings. I’m hot as fire, but I don’t change. I let the burning build inside me, but never let it out. I don’t feel pain nor happiness. I feel nothing.
Until her.
I can’t make sense of what I’m feeling. Happiness maybe? Hope? Lust?
Something like emotion is there, stirring in my beating heart. But I can’t put a word to it.
Slowly we rock in the waves, drifting further away from the yacht in the middle of the night.
Kai’s eyes flicker open wide. She smiles at me.
Stupid girl.
And then the fear returns.
She begins thrashing in my arms.
“You…you tried to kill me,” her voice trembles.
“I did.”
“Help!” she cries out.
