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I turn the shower to cold and step inside. Not even allowing myself to jack off to her—that would be giving in and showing weakness. I am not weak. I will not let her or anyone else control me.
The cold droplets should help. Instead, they just remind me of her.
Jesus Christ, I curse as I squeeze my eyes shut. I can’t even get relief from a shower. I need to get the fuck out of here. So that’s what I do.
Day after day passes, and our routine only fortifies into the same.
During the day I sleep on a cot on the floor next to a naked Kai. And at night I get work done. I’m ruthless in my endeavors. I work harder than I’ve ever worked, turning my money into more money and ruling the underground, sparking more fear at the sound of the Black name.
I should be thrilled Kai is fueling such dedication to my work, but I’m not happy. I can’t keep going on like this. I try my best to be a machine. I turn off my feelings and work, but it’s impossible to keep Kai from my mind when I get a new image of her naked body every night.
She’s started healing. Her body has begun to fill out now that she’s eating and sleeping properly. If she wore clothes, it would be easy to think of her as normal, albeit a little skinny. But she never clothes herself unless I demand it—which I haven’t. It’s like she wants to taunt me with the scars I allowed to happen on her body. I have my own scars, so there is no need for an imagination for me to understand the pain she endured in getting hers. It makes my skin crawl thinking about Jarod hurting her. Thank fuck he’s dead.
I’ve spent the night turned away from Kai, but I can still hear her heavy breathing. It almost sounds like panting.
I squeeze my eyes tighter, wishing I could do the same to my ears. I’m a wreck. I’m sweating; my cock is hard, my balls blue from not allowing myself to jerk off to her.
It’s been weeks now.
Weeks.
I’ve gone this long without sinking my dick into a woman before, but it’s different when I’m so desperate for such easy prey right next to me.
My alarm goes off, and I don’t care that its blaring wakes her up. She’s gotten enough sleep.
“Morning,” Kai says. “Or should I say good evening.”
I frown, ignoring her pleasantries. I need to get out of here faster than usual today. I need to find a new solution because I can’t keep sleeping next to her on the floor. For one, my back can’t handle it anymore.
I stomp to the bathroom, preparing myself for another cold shower. But at the last minute, I change the water to steaming hot. I’ve tried cold too many times. It only reminds me of Kai’s icy skin. I need hot.
And then I step under the steaming water.
“Hey!” I hear Kai’s voice.
I close my eyes, ignore her.
“Hey, asshole! You aren’t even going to talk to me anymore now?”
I count to three.
One.
Two.
Three.
It usually helps me gather my rage before I speak. I am in control—just not around her.
“No, I’m not going to fucking talk to you, Kai!”
My rage overwhelms me. I know Kai has questions, and she’s just lonely. Well, she wouldn’t be so alone if she would ever leave this fucking room, but she hasn’t since that first day.
I have questions too.
Like why the hell does she sleep on the floor instead of the bed?
Why won’t she let anyone touch her?
