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Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
All dead.
I counted twelve. Two are still chasing me, which means…
I turn back and see a man sneaking up on Langston from behind.
No!
I fire at the last two chasing me, confident that I got them and not giving them a second chance as I charge toward Langston. I yell for him to look behind him. To catch sight of what is happening, but it’s all moving too fast.
I hear the shot.
I see Langston being hit.
And it’s like watching him die all over again.
He should have stayed dead; I will never survive this pain.
4
Kai
“And how does that make you feel?” my therapist asks.
My father suggested I see a therapist. Not to heal my relationship with him. I don’t think our relationship is ever going to be fully salvageable, but because he thinks it will help me heal, move on. Deal with my new life.
I think my father is crazy. And if my therapist asks me one more time how I feel I’m going to kill him.
Maybe I should have gone to a female therapist? Maybe a woman would understand my situation better? But somehow I don’t think so. I don’t think a therapist has gone to enough years of training to understand the situation I’ve been through.
“Katherine, how does it make you feel?” Evan asks again.
Ugh, and don’t get me started on him calling me Katherine. It was my father’s idea. I know he’s right. Kai is dead. I need to accept it. I need to go by an alias in case anyone comes looking for me. But I’ve always hated the name Katherine. Maybe I should choose another name, a name I actually like.
I stare across at my therapist, who now has a raised eyebrow as he waits for me to answer his question.
What was his question again?
Oh, right. It was how does losing the love of my life make me feel?
“Devastated,” I say. What else does he want me to say? It feels like my heart was ripped from my chest. Like my soul was crushed. My will to live taken. My very existence squashed. But I choose only one word; I’m too exhausted to say more.
This is my second appointment for the day, having already been to the OBGYN, who basically yelled at me for not eating enough and set up an ultrasound for next week to check on the health of the baby. So now I’m eating, I’m taking my vitamins, I’m going to therapy to deal with my pain. I’m doing everything I can for this baby.
I just hope it’s enough.
Evan frowns—clearly I said the wrong thing.
“I think we need to backtrack. You’ve lost a lot of people in your life. You’ve been betrayed by people you thought you loved. You’ve been hurt countless times. I think your pain is more than just about losing the man you loved. And I think letting go of that pain is going to be the hardest for you. You need to start smaller. Forgive someone of something smaller, let go of some smaller pain. Can you do that?”
Can I let go of something smaller? Let go of some other pain I’m dealing with?
Maybe.
