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“That sounds like you are hitting on me.”
“Nope. Just stating a fact.”
She takes a deep breath. I can tell from watching her rib cage rising and falling.
“Thank you for this,” she says.
I don’t say anything because the hesitation in her voice tells me she needs to say more.
“I needed this. I don’t know how you knew this was what I’d need, but I did. I wouldn’t have survived being alone tonight.”
I think she’s crying, but I can’t be sure. But, from the sniffling sound in her voice, I can guess.
I don’t comfort her though. She doesn’t need that. She needs to find her way on her own.
“I don’t know why I feel her loss so much. She hasn’t been in my life in the last five years. Not really. She had Alzheimer’s, and she lived in a nursing home. I tried to visit as often as I could, but she didn’t know who I was. She’s been gone for the last five years. I thought I’d come to terms with the fact that the woman who had raised me was gone.”
She turns and faces me, and I see the full tears coming down her face.
“She’s really gone now though. Body and mind. She was the only person who ever really made me feel loved.” Her voice is shaky.
I know that there are no words to make it better for her. I can’t help her through this. She has to deal with this pain, this sadness, this new reality. All I can do is wrap my arms around her and let her know that she isn’t alone.
So, that is exactly what I do.
She resists me at first, pushing my arms away, but I hold on tighter. Not because I’m hitting on her or because I need to feel her close to me. But because I know she needs the connection to another human being right now.
She finally relaxes against my chest, as I continue to hold her in my arms. She continues to cry as we both look out over the ocean as the sun sets. We don’t say anything else. Sloane can’t get any other words out between her tears anyway. And I can’t say anything that will make her stop crying. So, we just sit until the warmth of the sun is long gone, and there is nothing but the noise of the highway behind us and the ocean waves in front of us.
“Do you want me to take you home now?” I whisper in her ear.
She doesn’t answer. I move my head forward, so it is closer to her face that is lying against my chest, and I listen to her calm breathing. She’s asleep.
I’ll have to find a way to get her back to her condo at some point. But, for now, I just want to sit here, in one of my favorite places, holding a beautiful woman who I don’t think, no matter how hard I try, I will fully understand.
I think about the last words she said to me.
“She was the only person who ever really made me feel loved.”
I don’t know if her words were true or if she was just upset and said it because she was missing Wes and not feeling loved. But I have to find out. Because I can’t really steal her from Wes if he’s never really loved her.
I carried Sloane back to her car that night. She didn’t wake up. She didn’t stir. She was too exhausted from dealing with her grief to wake up.
I drove her back to my place after I realized I would never get her back into her place without waking her. I figured, after she slept for an hour or so, she would wake up, and then she could drive herself back home in her car.
She never woke up though.
I placed her in my bed and fell asleep on the couch, waiting for her to wake up.
The next morning, she was gone without a word, which didn’t surprise me. What did was how early in the morning she’d left. I’m always awake before the sun. She woke up and left before I did.
I haven’t spoken to or seen her in almost two months. The wedding was postponed after her grandmother’s death to give her time to mourn, to heal. I’ve been busy with winning a couple of surfing competitions. There haven’t been any wedding-related events that I’ve had to attend. But that’s not why I have stayed away. I’ve stayed away because I’m torn.
Sloane doesn’t make anything clear. I can’t read if she really loves Wes or not. And, since I can’t tell how she feels, I don’t know how I want to pursue her or if I want to pursue her at all. Not because I’ve had a change of heart. I still want to destroy her. I still want to steal her heart. I just need to give her time to realign her loyalty to Wes because, after that night, I know I could have had her in my bed. I laugh because I did have her in my bed. But she would have fucked me that morning if she had stayed. That is why I suspect she left before I woke up.
I also know the longer that I stay away, the more she will think about me. The more she will build up that night in her head as being either one of the most meaningful moments in her life or something that makes her hate me even more. Either way, when I walk into the church and see her again, her emotions will be amplified, which will make them much easier for me to read. The only problem with my plan is that my ability to control myself is dwindling. I want Sloane more than ever, and even if it’s not the right time to steal her heart, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to resist her.
I get out of my pickup truck and walk toward the beautiful stone cathedral where the rehearsal dinner is to be held, and the rehearsal is to take place on the beach just outside the building. It’s a beautiful building, but it is nothing compared to the beach.
