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He said them. I never expected that he was capable of love. That he would be able to love. But here he is, saying it, and I believe every word that fell from his lips. I know that he loves me. I’ve felt it for far too long now. We have both been avoiding it. But, now that it has been said, I wish he would take it back.
Every woman wishes for this moment when her boyfriend tells her that he loves her. I should be happy, over the moon, to realize that this arrangement has turned into something real. It has turned into something more than even I could have imagined.
But I’m not happy. I’m devastated. Because I now know what comes next, and I can’t bear for it to happen.
“You don’t have to say it back. In fact, I don’t want you to say it until you feel it, too. I’ll wait. I’m patient. I just want you to know that I want more. More than this arrangement that we originally set up. Because time in jail has taught me one very important thing. That I don’t want to live without you. I know that I have to change. I have to be a better person, but being with you makes me that way. Being with you makes me want to believe that love can not only exist, but also last. I never thought that before.”
I open my mouth to speak, but Asher continues, “When my father died, I was a mess. I hated that I loved him because the pain of losing him was too much to bear.”
“How did he die?”
“He was shot.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say, wanting to know more because it’s clear that he has more to say on the subject.
But he doesn’t.
“I love you. Our pasts no longer matter. What matters is, if we have a real future together or not. What matters is, if you love me, too. Or if you could ever love me. If you could ever forgive me for what I’ve done.”
I open my mouth to speak, but he beats me to it. “They are really taking forever with our milkshakes, huh? I should flag our waiter down and—”
“Will you shut up?” I say, laughing nervously.
Asher finally stops talking.
“I love you, Asher. I’ve felt it since the night of your birthday. I just pushed down the feeling because I thought we couldn’t be together. We couldn’t love each other. That wasn’t the arrangement. The arrangement was to help each other. Nothing more. But I do love you.”
Asher grins, and it is the brightest grin I’ve seen on him since I picked him up from jail.
“You love me?”
I smile because his grin is infectious. Even if I know that this is the start of our end, I still enjoy this moment with him. We love each other. No matter what happens after, this is a happy moment.
“I love you.”
Asher reaches across the booth and kisses me on the lips.
“Here are your milkshakes and burgers.”
“Can we get them to go?” we say at the same time.
We grin again.
“I’ll be right back,” the waiter says.
I dig out some cash and throw it on the table to cover our meals that aren’t going to be eaten until later. We stand up and grab the to-go boxes, and then we practically run to my car. We jump in, and I step on the gas as soon as I can and peel out of the parking lot.
Tonight might be our last night together before everything changes, and I plan on making every minute count.
I speed back toward our home. I push that thought right out of my head. It’s not our home. It’s his home. It will never be ours.
Asher starts kissing my neck as I drive. With every kiss, I can feel it all over my body. Every nerve in my body is on fire, begging to be touched and kissed.
“You’d better stop that, or we aren’t going to make it back to your place. And, last time we did it in a car, it didn’t turn out so well in the end,” I joke.
Asher stops kissing my neck for a second and has a solemn look on his face.
“I’m sorry. Too soon?”
