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It hurts to know it’s true, but it is. This will wake both of us up. It will make both of us want to live a full life—a life we choose full of happiness and mistakes, a life we live for us.
Killian closes his eyes when he sees it in my eyes. This is over. He knows it as well as I do.
I tell the driver which hospital Granddad’s at, and then we are driving away from the casino, away from my life, away from the fairy tale, and back to reality.
“Mom,” I say to the blonde woman slumped over in a waiting room chair.
Her hair is a mess. It’s ratted and dirty. I don’t know when she showered last. She’s wearing an old T-shirt of Dad’s and pink pajama pants. She at least had enough sense to put on tennis shoes.
“Mom,” I say again as I grab her shoulders while I squat in my dress in front of her.
She moans but doesn’t look up at me. I grab her cheeks, lifting her head. The smell of alcohol is intense on her breath. I have to look away from her to take a deep breath.
Shit, why did she have to do this today?
I have no idea how to deal with her while she’s drunk. Dad was always the one who dealt with her when she was drunk. I never had to. Now that she’s a raging alcoholic every other night, I don’t know what to do. I feel guilty for not taking better care of her, for not staying at home and being there for her. But I thought it was for the best. I thought her therapist and AA sponsor would handle her. I thought she would be better by now.
We never got along, even before it happened, even before I destroyed the family reputation. We never got along when she was sober. We have never gotten along.
“Here,” Killian says.
I look over my shoulder and take the coffee out of his hand.
“Have her drink it. It will help.”
“Mom.” I place the cup in her hand. I wait until she has a good grip on the cup before I remove my hand. “Drink this.”
She does. I sit in the chair next to her and take a deep breath for the first time since she called me. How she managed that call, I don’t know. I don’t know how she did it in the state she is in.
I look up and mouth, Thanks.
Killian just nods his head as a nurse runs up to us. I stand, afraid she is here to tell us bad news.
“Are you relatives of Lee Felton?”
Killian and I both nod.
The woman sighs. “Good. I need someone to fill out the insurance forms.”
My eyes grow wide. I can’t deal with this shit, not right now. I need to take care of my mother. I need to see my grandfather. I don’t need to be worried about figuring out what insurance he has.
“I’ll do it,” Killian says, to my surprise. He leans over and softly kisses me on the cheek before he begins following the nurse.
“Wait. How is he doing?”
“He’s still in surgery. But I’ll have someone come get you as soon as the surgery is over.”
I nod and then sit back in the chair next to my mom. I don’t know if Killian will be able to fill out the forms. But I have faith he will find a way to keep the nurse away for a little while at least.
I glance over at my mom, who is now sitting up a little higher in her chair. I watch as she runs her hand through her long locks and then sips on her coffee. It seems to be helping.
I shake my head, disgusted that she is drunk. I never imagined she would fall to this level. She seems so lost without my dad. But I know that’s not true. She never really loved my dad. She only married him for the money, for the house, to pass on money to me. I realize now, looking back on their relationship, they were never really happy together. They never really loved each other. They never chose each other.
“I’m not drunk,” my mother says, glaring at me.
“I never said you were.”
She smiles slyly. “You’re disgusted. That’s what you thought. I’m not drunk. I’ve only had two drinks.”
