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Gia
Why did I just tell Caspian to rape me?
Because I can’t help myself. I can’t watch another woman deal with even a drop of the violation and pain I’ve felt. I won’t let Caspian hurt this woman.
I don’t know who she is. I shouldn’t feel guilty for any pain she might endure. I shouldn’t feel responsible for saving her from the same fate I’ve faced. But the way her dark eyes bulge wide when she stares at me, with a sadness I didn’t think was possible until I was taken, made me want to do anything to save this woman.
I don’t care what happens to me. This woman is fragile. She couldn’t survive the same things I’ve been through. She’s too kind. One crack of a whip would break her.
Caspian lets go of, and ignores, the woman, as they both stare across the living room at me: his new prize.
I haven’t moved since I pleaded with him to take me, instead of her. He hasn’t either. We are both locked in a staring contest which might never end. The intensity flowing between us has us locked together in a wind that will never stop blowing.
Neither of us realizes it, but Caspian starts walking toward me. His feet stop automatically, just in time to prevent his body from crashing into mine. God, his eyes are so beautiful. And dangerous. And kind. And mysterious. And bright, but with specks of dark.
I don’t breathe. I don’t move. I don’t back down. I try to lock down everything I’m feeling tight away in my chest so Caspian won’t have a clue how to break me, while I try to figure out what he’s feeling. He’s a walking contradiction. He has equal parts light and dark. But that can’t be true. He has to have one side of him that is stronger. Is it the light or the dark?
Right now, dark.
His chest rises and falls sharply as he sucks in all the oxygen in the room with each breath before exhaling deeply enough to blow me over. The beauty I saw on his face turns to a painful stare. All the light from his eyes evaporates until I’m not even sure his eyes are blue anymore.
He’s decided. He’ll take me instead of the woman behind him. He wants me. And I’m giving myself to him willingly. He doesn’t have to tell me his decision. His body does.
I smile. It will probably be my last smile. So I savor it. I let the tiny bit of joy from winning cascade through my body, warming me all the way to my fingertips. My cheeks pink and my eyes soften. I saved her. I don’t know who she is, the woman still standing behind Caspian, staring at us like she doesn’t have a clue what’s happening.
You’re safe, I whisper in my head. Run. Hide. Find joy in your last days. I’m not playing games though. I’m not that type of woman. I prefer reality.
“I’ll be in the bedroom,” I say, turning. Happy to get one more word in before Caspian lets his inner demon out. I can see the evil in him growing stronger and stronger as every second ticks by. Dante lets his monster out freely. Caspian keeps his locked away. It’s how he has so much control.
But now I’m permitting him to let his true self out. And it appears it takes Caspian time to unlock the door to the dungeon in his soul. I’m not going to stand here and watch the darkness cloud him, as fear starts creeping up my own body. Caspian doesn’t get to see my fear.
My instinct is to wrap my arms around my body as I walk back. Holding myself to bring me comfort and keep Caspian’s negative energy away. But I won’t let him see me cower. So I strut with my hands by my side. My legs are steadier than they’ve been since I arrived here.
I open the door to his bedroom. I don’t know whether to hope he will follow me immediately, or he will take his time. Immediately, I decide, before I lose my nerve. I want this over fast.
I get my wish.
Caspian presses my body against the wall before I even realize he’s in the room. I don’t know how he’s able to walk in this house without making loud steps.
I wait for the hit. Or for him to choke me. Knock me out again, like he did last time. Or like Dante has done countless times.
I know Caspian is a brute. I see it fully in his eyes now as he pants over me. His breathing may be unsteady, but he is perfectly in control of himself.
I close my eyes slowly and deliberately, trying to find a happy place for my mind to go to. I imagine Caspian’s deck, where I’ve read so many books this last month. What was the name of the last book I read? It had a blue cover, I remember, but the title escapes me. It was about a prince going on a grand adventure to save his kingdom. I try to remember the book, but it’s easier to remember the feeling of the sun burning my skin. The smell of the pollen scattered over the deck, making me sneeze. The cool breeze is making me shiver in the early morning, before the sun fully rose.
“Open your eyes, Gia,” Caspian says.
I won’t. I don’t care what he does to me, but I need my happy place. I need to go somewhere that isn’t reality. It’s the only way I’ve survived this long.
“O
pen your eyes, Gia, or I’ll go back and—”
I open my eyes. He doesn’t have to finish that sentence. I don’t want him to hurt that woman. He knows it. And now I’ve obeyed him, he knows he can use it to get me to do almost anything.
I hate him. Maybe even more than Dante. I could deal with the physical pain as long as I had my escape. I don’t know if I can daydream with my eyes open. I need to get under Caspian’s skin, so he’ll punch me. If my eyes are swollen shut, then he can’t ask me to open them.
Caspian shakes his head slowly, side to side.
