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I suck in a breath I’ve been holding. I want to fake her death not only to make him suffer but also because it will keep her safe if my plan fails. He can’t come searching for her if she’s dead.
“And next week after I kill him, you can finally be free.”
Her body freezes at the word free.
I give her time to recover, not pushing her to understand what she’s feeling in her head.
“What do you mean by free?”
“I mean you can leave. Go home to your family. Start your new life away from here.”
She nods slowly, like she can’t believe the words she’s hearing. She stares at the ground for the longest time, before staring back up at me.
“I love you, Caspian.”
Fuck.
My worst nightmare happened. She can’t love me. I will break her when she finds out I’m incapable of love. Clara took my heart with her when she died. I haven’t loved since. I can’t.
“When I kill Dante next week, I will have Michi pack your things and make sure you are on a plane to see your brothers in the US.”
I stand up, needing to be done with this conversation. If I stay and talk, it will only make this worse.
“Seriously? That’s all I get. I tell you I love you and you leave? This can’t be happening!”
“I told you I would hurt you. I don’t love you. In one week, you should go.”
Her face drops like I just told her her puppy died or something else horrendous. All I did was tell her I didn’t love her.
“No. I’m not leaving. You love me too you big jerk, even if you won’t say it now. You wouldn’t have saved me if you didn’t care about me. You wouldn’t have let me hurt you if you didn’t love me. You wouldn’t do everything to protect me if you didn’t love me. You love me!”
I stand firm. “I’m incapable of love, Gia. Even you. I’m sorry. I know I said you would never be free, but I meant that figuratively, not literally. You will never be free of your past.”
“You love me.”
I grab her body and jerk her to me. “No, I don’t. I never can. I’m sorry for being nice to you. For saving you. I knew I would hurt you. I was afraid you would fall in love with me, but I couldn’t stop it and keep you. I’m selfish, but then you already know that. I used you to get what I wanted from Dante. That’s it.”
The last part stings the worst. I can see the devastation in her eyes. The drop in her body. The loss in her face. I hurt her worse than Dante ever did, and it kills me. But this is for the best. This must end. If she stays in my life, she will end up dead. And she deserves a man who can love her like she needs to be loved. Not constantly saved by a selfish asshole like me.
Gia looks at me for one more moment with tears in her eyes. But she doesn’t let them fall. I’ve watched her many nights in Dante’s room where she was able to hold back her tears, despite the pain she was in. She’s had plenty of practice holding her tears in.
I want her to stay, to fight because I don’t want to lose her, but I need to let her go.
She makes the right decision. She walks out the door. Most likely to sulk in the bedroom or in Michi’s room.
I give her a minute before I head inside and grab a bottle of whiskey and then head back outside. I’ll drink myself into oblivion and pass out on the couch. I’ll be doing a lot of that in the near future.
I may not love her, but it won’t stop me from missing her. I’m not good at missing people. I’m destructive and cruel. But after Dante’s dead, it won’t matter because I’ll have nothing left to live for.
Gia’s gone.
The words float around in my head but don’t really land. She’s not gone. She can’t be.
But she will be soon, and when she is, I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m not sure I will survive without her in my life. I’ve grown used to her light-heartedness. Her beauty. Her smart mouth.
I will miss her too much.
“Caspian!” my body falls off the chair and lands with a thud. Damn it, that’s going to leave a bruise in the morning.
