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“So, Beak, what is your real name?”
“Huh? Oh, my name is Xavier.”
Things were pretty uneventful on campus until Hell Week, when the Betas tried to break the pledges’ will and make them drop line. Xavier met me after my last class and begged me to sneak him off campus.
“Please, Dini. I’ll sleep on the sofa.”
I was not having it. I finally had a weekend free of my parents and PJ. I planned to spend it soaking in my tub, Xavier-free. That was when I saw him—Mr. America, strutting around campus liked he owned the place. He was shaking hands, kissing babies—the whole nine. I instantly felt like “fresh meat.” I hate admitting this, but I wanted revenge.
“Dini, please! That’s my brother, Phillip. If he sees me…damn!”
Phillip the peacock, emphasis on the pea, came strolling over.
“Little brother, who is this?”
“This is my little sister, Dini. Dini, this is Phillip. He’s visiting campus this weekend to take the new brothers over.”
“Shut the fuck up, Xavier! You talk too much, just like a little bitch!”
Oh, it was on! Mare opened up that same tired Beta organizer and started writing. “Let me get your name again, shorty?”
I couldn’t help it. I screamed at the top of my lungs, resembling one of them kids in the “Peanuts” cartoon, with the big blacked-out mouth. “My name is Dini, dumb ass! Maybe you would remember me by my first name, Tiffany?”
It registered. Phillip looked around with the “oh shit” face as the whole damn campus stopped to peep the drama.
Phillip snarled, “Tiffany! How could I forget the notorious Tiff Money?”
I could tell
Phillip was nervous. He peeped some Betas walking toward us and took it as an opportunity to make his exit.
“Well, would you look at the time? I’m meeting my father-in-law for lunch. Glad to see you’re still supporting Beta. Peace.”
Luckily, Xavier was talking to one of his lab students while Mare was strolling down memory lane. By the time he turned around, Phillip was walking toward the president’s house.
Xavier yelled at his brother’s back. “Tell Lauren I said ‘what’s up’!”
“Lauren McGregor?”
“Actually Lauren DuBois now, my sister-in-law. She grew up in Chicago with her mom, but came to Wheatley to be near her dad. So you know Lauren. Small world, huh?”
Xavier kept on talking and I tuned him right out. I was thinking about one thing. Revenge. It was going to be fun now!
Later that day, Xavier met me at the front gate of the college. He looked a mess. He was coated head to toe in dried mud. Apparently, the Betas thought it would be funny to pile into a Jeep and drag the pledges across a muddy field while they jogged behind it. Each pledge had a rope attached to his waist. One bad slip and that’s all she wrote. Instant Roscoe mud cake. Xavier limped over to my car and spread a towel on the passenger seat before getting in and closing the door.
“Sorry about the mud, Dini.”
“What did your brother say about me?” I tried not to catch his eye, hoping he wouldn’t notice my knuckles turning white while I gripped the steering wheel.
“I haven’t seen him since this afternoon. I hope you’re not interested in him. Remember, he’s married.”
“Naw, he ain’t my type.”
On the drive home, I stopped at the supermarket and sent X in to buy the ingredients for dinner. I could tell he was embarrassed by his appearance, but I really wasn’t in the mood to give a fuck. We got back to the house where he showered and then fixed dinner. Yes, him! He was a decent cook, too. It was getting late, so I told him to get some sleep in my son’s room on his Tommy Tinker Big Boy bed. X didn’t seem to care. He took the steps in twos, like they were having a government cheese giveaway upstairs.
“Shit! He better not use my mom’s expensive-ass guest towels!” When I got to the bathroom to check on X, he was already in the shower blaspheming Prince’s “Pink Cashmere” with the door wide open. Xavier shut off the water, rubbing the last trace of shampoo out of his eyes with my mom’s precious white guest towel. That’s when I saw it. At first I thought he had a growth on his thigh, but upon further inspection I realized it was his dick. It was a record breaker. It looked like one of those beige rulers you used to measure shit with in grade school. My mouth started salivating and I couldn’t move. It was love at first sight. Not me and X, but me and the dick. I slowly examined his body, not wanting to miss one inch. With the exception of his pubic hair, he was hairless. We locked eyes and I could tell he was waiting to hear a verdict.
“Listen Xavier, don’t be fucking up my good towels.”
