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All the memories started to flood through my mind and I began to tear up. Someone had been watching me watching him, and when she saw the tears roll, she decided that I needed a drink.
“What’s wrong, sweetie? Have a drink,” she commanded me.
It was her, Sanad’s badass chick. I didn’t even notice that she had left his side. I took a quick peek back at Sanad to make sure I wasn’t trippin’. There he was, being the people person that I never knew all those years ago. He had really changed. He had definitely moved on. I felt like a damn fool, pining for his ass after all these years. He had no idea that I was in the room. He didn’t probably even give a damn that I was alive.
“I’m alright. Thanks for the drink, sista,” I said, walking away quickly, taking a huge swig of the champagne. I almost choked on it.
She was beautiful, exactly what he deserved. She was thick, with a nice ass, big legs, cute feet, and I’m not even gonna get into her face. It was a cross between Vanity and, well, hell, I can’t think of anyone fine enough, but you get what I’m saying. She was everything I wasn’t.
Don’t get me wrong. I was fine, too, but she was jaw-droppin’, State of Shock, Men All Pause kinda fine. I was an eight but she was a ten! I’m woman enough to admit it. I wanted to see her naked and touch her copper skin because I was sure Sanad had done so. With my recent closely cropped cut, I figured that I could be the man in our relationship.
Before I could get too far, she was after me. I felt her grab my arm. “Listen, I noticed you checking out Sanad, the light-skinned brotha over there. We came in together.”
“No, I wasn’t looking at him. I have no idea who he is,” I lied as I drank the last of the champagne and gave her the glass. “Thanks!”
This time I made sure to run away so she couldn’t catch up. My heart was pounding. Is she gonna check me for checking her man? I needed to get outta there. I couldn’t stay at a party with Sanad and his “10” girlfriend. I didn’t really want to be there anyway. I didn’t know anyone, but that was the whole point of the party, to network, right? I felt like I was gonna faint and I couldn’t find the damn exit. How the hell did I get in here? Where’s the exit?
I must have looked like a damn fool, darting around, trying to find the way out. I was bumping into people without saying “Excuse me” and stepping on toes. I was starting to draw attention to myself. I felt woozy. Did that heffa put something in my drink? I’m trippin’ but I feel high. What the hell?
The next person I bumped into was Sanad. We locked eyes and my mouth flew open.
“Lela?” he said.
I couldn’t say anything. I turned to go in the opposite direction and there she was, Miss 10! My legs gave way and I blacked out on the floor. That trick did put something in my drink.
As I lay unconscious, it all came back to me. My mind flashed back to ten years ago when I was pregnant. Sanad and I were an on-and-off couple, and when I became pregnant, I wasn’t sure if it was his or from this other guy that I pity-fucked because Sanad didn’t want to commit. Sanad and I had dated for years, even lived together, but it wasn’t working. Though we had broken up, we kept in touch and got together for passionate sex every now and then. When I became pregnant, I assumed it was his, even though I had slept with someone the day after we made love.
He had informed me that he couldn’t devote his life to me. He asked if it could be someone else’s and I told him the truth. He decided to support me through the pregnancy, but he coldly informed me that if it wasn’t his, he would leave me. I should never have settled for that, and neither should he, but I guess love is a hell of a drug and I’m sure he wanted to do the right thing, just in case the baby was his.
It was a fucked-up nine months, and even though he was there as the twins were cut from my womb, as soon as the negative test results came back, he left and I had never heard from him again. It was as if he never existed. There I was with two newborn babies and all these emotions, and the m
an that I loved and wished were the father of my children had left, as if the past nine months—hell, five years—meant absolutely nothing. The boys’ real father had died in a car crash during my sixth month of pregnancy, but I never told him that he could be the father, so there was all this shit I had to go through with his family. I was an emotional wreck and decided to check myself into a mental hospital when my twin boys were three years old because I couldn’t handle the mess I had made of my life. Raising twin boys alone was too much for me and I lost it.
As I came to, I was in a dark room. I could hear music and faint voices in the background somewhere; I assumed I was still at the location of the party in someone’s bedroom. I slowly began to make my way out of the bed.
“Where are you going?” a voice asked.
I stopped in my tracks. “Who is that?” I asked, still frozen, knowing full well who it was.
The room was pitch-black. I was afraid. I began to wonder if I had been fondled in my unconscious state. If I had, I was pissed that I missed it. Hell, I hadn’t been fondled in over two years.
“It’s Sanad.”
“Turn on the lights,” I pleaded, feeling comfortable enough to move again as I made my way out of the bed.
“No, we don’t need lights,” Sanad said, using his best seductive voice.
I started to walk around, feeling for a light switch or a lamp. You couldn’t see a damn thing. I was afraid and pissed off. I hadn’t seen this man in years and I was in a dark room with him after passing out. Something was wrong with this picture.
“You won’t find a light switch. This room doesn’t have one. I made sure of that.”
I was frozen again. What was he gonna do? I thought it best to remain still and prepare for some crazy shit to happen. For all I knew, the room was filled with people that I could not see or hear. At the very least, 10 was probably in there as backup.
Sanad continued, “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. All I want to do is bond with you; use our voices and our bodies to communicate with each other.”
“Our bodies?”
“Yes. I saw you out there and you’re so beautiful. I had forgotten how beautiful you are.”
