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My tongue lay heavy on the bottom of my mouth. I had no words for her. Kian was standing so close to me, watching me the entire time. He could hear everything my roommate said. The tortured look from before was gone. It was replaced with something else, something ominous, something I wasn’t going to like.
His hand left my hand and fell to my hip. A tingle started as his thumb slipped under my shirt and rubbed over my skin, back and forth, back and forth. And Erica was still talking. I couldn’t hear her anymore. My pulse was so loud with my blood rushing through me.
“Tell her you’ll be home in a few minutes. I’ll give you a ride.”
The words fell from my lips.
She said good-bye, and so did I. The phone call was disconnected, and then Kian took the phone from me. I noticed all of this in the back of my mind, but the forefront was fully focused on Kian. He was so close. I wanted to close the distance again.
Instead, I asked, “Where did you go?”
“To clear my head.” His gaze lingered on my lips. His eyes darkened, and then his hand caught the back of my head in a commanding hold.
I did nothing. I waited, my heart about bursting out of my chest. “And?”
“And”—his forehead rested against mine—“I meant what I said. If I take you, I want you to be mine all the way. Not mine in hiding. Not mine when you have a separate life. Mine. Just mine.”
“Kian,” I whispered. My hands found his arms, and I held on to him. “That—”
He cut me off, his chest heaving up and down, “Can’t be done until you’re forced to go public.” His hand squeezed my neck.
He paused, dipping down so that his lips touched mine. It was so brief, so quick. It was a fleeting graze. My heart skipped a beat.
He added, “And I could never ask that of you. I won’t. I’ll do everything in my power to help hide you.”
“Kian?” I pulled back. What was he saying? I sensed a different urgency from him.
Tilting my head to the side, I gazed at him. He did look different. A resignation had settled on his shoulders, and it kicked up a flare in me.
What was happening? “What’s going on?”
His hand pulled me close. “I came here to watch over you. I wanted to be close to you, and, yes, I wanted to be with you. I was wrong.”
“What?” No…
His hand gentled on my neck, and his thumb began rubbing up and down in a soothing caress. “I shouldn’t have come here. I should’ve left once I knew you were fine. You were happy, Jo, and I messed that up.”
“You didn’t.”
A voice inside my head said, He did. Let him go. You can still be free.
I shut it up.
“All those times in the courtroom, I felt like you knew me, like you were the only one who could know me. I wanted you to be let free. I didn’t want you to go to prison, and you’re out now. And you said your team will do everything possible to keep you from going back.”
“This is your life.”
No.
My heart pressed against my rib cage. It wanted out.
He added, “If you’re found, your life will be ruined. If you hide again, I won’t find you a second time. I’ll have to let you go, so I’m doing it now. I’m letting go. I booked my flight. I’ll be returning home, and I’ll make a public statement.”
“What will you say?”
“The real scandal is the dirty judge. The DA is trying to cover it up by making the media look for you. I’ll tell them the real story. A dirty judge is a bigger story than where you are. You’ll be forgotten in a week. And I’ll stay away.”
“No.” My heart was splitting in two. I closed my eyes.
“I’ll stay away and make sure that you’ll never worry about the media finding you.”
“No, no, no.” I grabbed on to him.
He cradled me to him, his hand leaving my neck to smooth down my back in comfort. He propped his chin on top of my head, his other arm holding my shoulder, holding me to him. “This is for the best.”
I winced, closing my eyes even tighter, as I burrowed into his chest. I didn’t want to let him go and even thinking about it, I wrapped my arms tighter around him.
I drove Jo home myself. She was quiet on the way, and a few times I looked over. I felt like I should say something, anything, to ease her pain, but it was weighing on me, too. And when she held my gaze, right before getting out of the car, I saw the same pain in her eyes. There was nothing to say. Anything I said would’ve cheapened the situation, or taken away what we were both feeling, but when she got out without a word, it was like a silent rejection.
