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I took a deep breath. “For one thing, I’m not sure I’m addicted to sex. I mean, I’ve never had sex to my knowledge. I was just baffled and had no idea where to turn. Then one day I saw this ad in the local community paper about various support groups at the hospital. On an impulse, I checked out their website and sure enough, they had something for people with sexual troubles.”
“Well, I’m just glad that you decided to give me an opportunity. A one-on-one situation is probably healthier for you anyway.”
“That’s an understatement.” I chuckled. “I attended those meetings week after week and never said a word.”
Marcella apparently didn’t find it comical. She just said, “Then this is definitely best for you.”
“Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I came to find you.” There was a pregnant pause before I added excitedly, “I have some news.”
Marcella sat up taller in her chair. “Okay, I’m listening.”
“I have this new neighbor. His name’s Mason,” I said with a grin.
“You’re blushing.” Marcella stood up and came around the desk. She sat on the edge closer to me and asked, “Does that mean there’s some interest there?”
I quickly admitted, “A whole lot of interest, but this is a totally new thing for me. As you know, I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything like that.”
“Then it’s about time you see what having one feels like.”
“Do you really think that’s wise?” I asked. “I mean, under my current circumstances. What if—”
Marcella read me like a book. “You’re afraid that someone else might end up dating him instead, right?”
It had become painfully evident to me that I was not alone in my body. I couldn’t be. And while it was frightening to think that someone else controlled my actions, it was more frightening to allow it to continue without trying to do something to stop them.
“Right,” I said. “I’ve thought long and hard about what you said and it’s the only thing that makes sense.”
“I’m glad you realize that,” Marcella said.
“So what do I do and where do I go from here?”
Marcella seemed lost in deep thought for a moment. “Have you given any more thought to contacting your father?”
“Why did you bring him up?” I asked, even though I had indeed thought a lot about it.
“Sometimes people from our past can help us put together the pieces. You said your mother refuses to face facts but that your father always suspected something.”
I shook my head in dismay. “I still don’t understand what happened the night he got kicked out the house. It was one of those days when I simply wasn’t there. I had blacked out completely and on Thanksgiving Day, no less.”
“Thanksgiving?”
“Yes.” I closed my eyes so I could recall the bad memories. “From what I’ve been able to piece together, a hooker showed up at the family dinner claiming that my father had been paying her for sexual favors for months. She also told everyone she was pregnant.”
“Oh my! Was it true?” Marcella gasped.
“He denied it all,” I replied. “The funny thing is, I just can’t imagine my father doing something like that, especially with a
hooker.”
“But why would someone just show up and say that unless it was true?”
“That is something that will probably boggle my mind forever. My mother has never gotten over it. She thinks that by dating a bunch of other men, it will make her feel like more of a woman. Having someone trashy show up claiming to be his side action really messed with her self-esteem. She’s been trying to get it back ever since.”
“It sounds like she might need some counseling as well.”
As ugly as my own situation was, even I couldn’t help but laugh at that one. “Momma definitely needs some help.”
“Do you think your mother would consider attending some sessions here with you?”
